


Don't Get Feelings in the Commonwealth

by nobby574



Category: Fallout (Video Games), Fallout - Fandom, Fallout 4
Genre: Awkward Conversations, Awkward Sexual Situations, Confusion, F/M, Fluff, Friendship, Love, Lust, Romance, Slow Burn, Smut, Spoilers, Violence, relationship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-30
Updated: 2016-05-19
Packaged: 2018-06-05 13:16:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 19
Words: 31,965
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6705850
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nobby574/pseuds/nobby574
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Joining the Railroad wasn't something I expected to do. Developing feelings for my companion, Deacon, also wasn't something I expected to do. And while I wish something would happen between us, something is clearly in the way of that.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Railroad

**Author's Note:**

> This chapter is a flashback to meeting the Railroad, so it's a lot of gameplay stuff. However, I tweaked some things toward the end.

I wasn’t exactly welcomed to the Railroad when I had discovered them underneath the old north church. I walked in and was greeted by three people, two of which were holding guns pointed directly at me. Desdemona, the head boss, standing in between the two, glaring at me. I felt myself cower a bit at her mere presence, she didn’t even need the guns to appear threatening. I moved cautiously down to the pit in the middle and attempted to straighten myself up, giving the illusion of confidence. 

“Stop right there,” Her voice commanded. “You went through a lot of effort to arrange this meeting. But before we go another further, answer my questions. Who the hell are you?” Her bodyguards ready to shoot if I didn’t cooperate. My throat suddenly became dry. 

“I’m um..just exploring. Looking for salvage.” My voice squeaked and it was clear that I was lying. Desdemona’s expression was unamused. 

“And you just happened to guess the password to the secret door? Right,” She retorted squinting her eyes at me. Her body language relaxed ever so slightly. “Well it’s clear you’re not with the Institute. But who told you how to contact us?” As she spoke a man in a white t-shirt, sunglasses, and dark hair emerged from the catacombs behind her. I tilted my head a bit trying to get a good look at him. He seemed so familiar. My eyes came back to Desdemona and I realized I needed to answer. 

“Um...who is the Institute?” I asked. I had heard of them before but I never knew who or what they were. Her eyes widened in shock. 

“What? You’re serious?” Her tone just as shocked as her expression, she shook her head getting herself back together. “Where to begin. Dig deep enough into any tragedy in the Commonwealth and 9 out of 10 times the Institute’s involved. Kidnappings, unexplained virus outbreaks, wiped out settlements….they’ve done that and worse,” Her voice sounded grave and I could feel a lump in my throat. I started to fidget with my fingers, her gunners noticing my movement, making sure I didn’t try anything. “But always from the shadows. The only real evidence most people have that they even exist are their crowning achievement: the synths,” Those I had seen and they scared the shit out of me. They looked like the terminator and the first time I saw one I just about peed myself. “Synthetic machines designed to look, feel, and sound human. And against that we’re the only people stupid enough to fight them. So now you answer my question. How’d you find out how to contact us?” Her tone back to being intimidating, although not as harsh, but still very stern. 

“I have no idea what’s going on here,” My voice quivered slightly. I really didn’t. I thought this was some secret hideout from settlers or just a family. Her eyes changed from demanding to curious. 

“You seriously don’t know, do you? I’m Desdemona, and I’m the leader of the Railroad. And you are...Deacon where’ve you been?” She said turned behind her finally noticing the man standing there. He had this smug look stuck on his face. 

“You’re havin a party. What gives with my invitation?” He said an upbeat tone, very different to Desdemona’s. It seemed to have lightened the tension a little bit. 

“I need intel. Who is this?” She said still remaining serious. He glanced over at me and I felt myself stiffen up. How was he supposed to know how I was? 

“Well she’s got to be someone. She made it down here, right?” My shoulders relaxed, so he didn’t know who I was. He turned toward me, and although I couldn’t see his eyes, I could feel them burning into my core. “Normal people just don’t do that!” He exclaimed. He seemed kind of...excited? I could feel a heat rush to my cheeks and a hint of a smile threatened to show on my face. 

“I’m flattered,” I said shyly. He smiled at me and it was making me feel even more flustered than I already was. 

“Hey just callin it like I see it.” I smiled back. Desdemona turned to look at him, her expression was annoyed. 

“So you got nothing. She’s a complete unknown.” She said. Deacon shrugged and looked back at her. 

“What are our options? Shoot ‘em? C’mon. We need friends, Dez. Now more than ever,” He’s cheery attitude turned a bit more desperate. He glanced once more at me, one side of his mouth turned upward in a smirk. “And I got a reaaal good feelin about her.” I couldn’t stop looking at him, the more he spoke the more heat rushed to my face. Desdemona looked surprised and raised an eyebrow at him. 

“So you’re vouching for her?” She looked back at me, trying to figure me out with her eyes. She was at a loss and frankly so was I. 

“Yes definitely.” Deacon said. Desdemona let out a sigh, seeming somewhat defeated. 

“Fine. But that changes things. I don’t know what, if anything, you’ve heard out there about us. But let me state this, we are the good guys. Deacon she’s your responsibility now.” She said to him before walking back into the catacombs. I let out a sigh of relief, I thought that integration would never end. Deacon strutted down into the pit stopping in front of me. He crossed his somewhat broad arms across his chest. He wasn’t super tall but he was taller than me. I stood at only about 5’ 3”, he was probably around 5’ 10”. I took a strand of my strawberry blonde hair and began to fiddle with it. He let out a small chuckle at me before getting serious. 

“Sorry about the unwelcome committee, but the precautions are necessary. In our business, if we underestimate our enemies capabilities, it’s game over,” I nodded my head in agreement. “But it’s all good now. I vouched for you. Nobody got shot. Still, I would consider it a close, personal favor if you didn’t sell us out to the Institute. Thanks.” He shot that smile at me again and I could feel butterflies appear in my stomach. He sure was cute. 

“I still don’t know...why did you vouch for me?” I cocked an eyebrow at him. 

“With the Institute hunting you it’s all too easy to let paranoia cripple you. Sometimes you can lose sight of the big picture. We’re about helping people. So I saw the opportunity to turn the meeting around for the better. I did a good job. Well as long as we’re not sold down the river.” He looked down at me, looking for reassurance. 

“Don’t worry, I’ll keep your secret.” I whispered to him, smiling. He smiled back me and put a hand on my shoulder. 

“Now that’s what I like to hear. Now I’ve got a little job for us if you’re willing to help?” I nodded my head, he wasn’t the only one who needed friends. “Awesome. Meet me underneath the old bridge. I’ll explain everything there” Before I could respond, he took off into the catacombs. The two gunners still standing there watching me as I walked out of the secret area. 

My chest felt heavy and my head felt clouded. I didn’t know who these people were. I didn’t know what they’re organization was. Hell, I didn’t even know who this Deacon was, but here I am going to meet him somewhere far away and all by myself. I can’t believe I just threw myself into something I had no idea about. Out in the Commonwealth I made very careful decisions, not letting myself linger around anyone too long, not even the Minutemen. From what I’ve learned in my short time out here, anyone could be up to anything. But something inside me had a good feeling about this Deacon.


	2. Sanctuary

Several weeks had passed since that first encounter with Deacon. After our first job together, recovering Carrington’s prototype, he offered to stay with me as some traveling companion. I didn’t understand why, he said it was better for intel but I had a sneaking suspicion he was tired of wandering the Commonwealth alone. I was actually glad he offered to stay with me, not only because I thought he was attractive, but I was also tired of being alone in this desolate place. 

At first we didn’t talk a whole lot, other than him cracking a bunch of jokes or the elaborate scheme to persuade people for getting information we need. But other than that Deacon was still a mystery to me and I was just as much one to him. In fact, he didn’t even know my real name, he only knew my code name, Bullseye. Not the most fitting name, but it worked for what it was. Traveling with him wasn’t awkward or anything, but I was stumped by him. Was he keeping a distance for professional reasons or personal? I didn’t know but I wasn’t going to ask either. At this point he was the closest thing I had to a friend and I didn’t want to ruin it by prying. 

After a several long days of fighting and traveling, I suggested we go back to Sanctuary, it was just a little up north from where we were now. The sun was burning through our flesh and we both had very distinct sweat stains on us. We had just cleared out a molerat hole and were dying of heat. Deacon sat inside the small cave, his white t-shirt stained with a sweat on his chest and armpits. He ditched his black wig a few hours ago, letting his bald head breathe. I sat opposite of him also covered in damp tank top, my hair pulled up into a ponytail. 

“So Sanctuary huh? How far up north is it?” He said sounding slightly tired. I wiped some sweat that had collected on my forehead with the back of my hand. 

“A few miles, probably take about 20 minutes or so to get there.” I replied. He nodded his glistening, bald head in agreement. He stood up, grabbing his pistol and then grabbing my hand, helping me up. 

We stepped out of the equally as hot cave and back into openness. Both of us looked at each other and sighed a hefty sigh before making our way up to Sanctuary. It took just as long as I had said, 20 minutes, and we were greeted by a very heat exhausted Preston Garvey. With his laser rifle in tow he sauntered over to welcome me back. 

“Oh Penelope, we didn’t expect you’d come back for awhile. Who is this?” Preston said, sounding like the gentleman he always was. Deacon looked at me and slid his sunglasses down a little letting me see his piercing blue eyes for a moment. I gasped internally realizing that Preston had just said my real name. That wasn’t something I was really keen on sharing, but Preston seemed trustworthy enough and I told him. That and I hated being called ma’am. I cleared my sudden dry throat. 

“Um Preston this is Deacon. He’s uh….” I wasn’t sure what to call him. Friend? Companion? Railroad Agent who just wanted to help everyone and free synths? But before I could come up with what to say Deacon was beginning to talk. A mischievous grin on his face. He was going to come up with some complicated lie. 

“Oh don’t mind me, just Penelope’s little love monkey, isn’t that right?” Knew it. Fucking knew it. He looked over at me seeming very pleased with his lie. Preston also looked at me with a mild concerned and very confused face. I straightened my face and grabbed Deacon’s rough, sweaty hand. 

“Yes this is my boyfriend, Preston.” Deacon held my hand tightly as if it was going to make it more believable the tighter he held. Our combined sweat making the hand hold even more uncomfortable than it already was. Preston glanced down at our intertwined fingers and back at me. 

“Oh um, alright. Well obviously this place is as much yours as it is ours. Sturges may need some help later. I’ll uh leave you two alone now.” He turned and walked in the other direction shaking his head. I relaxed my hand in Deacon’s but he didn’t let go. Probably to keep up with the lie until we were out of sight. His eyes looking down at me and I refused to look up at his shit eating grin. 

“So where to, love monkey?” He said with such emphasis on his last two words. I cringed hating the new nickname, but my stomach did a small flip flop knowing that people thought we were an item. 

“Back to my house.” I could feel his grin disappear and looked to see it replaced with confusion. 

“Your house?” I sighed and began to lead him to where I once lived. 

“I explain tomorrow. It’s too hot for deep conversation today.” We walked together, hand in hand, to my old home. Eyes following us as we approached the orange door. I opened it to find Codsworth still in there. I forgot I had left him back here. I instantly dropped Deacon’s hand hoping he wouldn’t make a comment about that or Nate. 

“Ah mum! You’ve returned once again. I noticed you found some people in Concord and I-” 

“Codsworth could you please give me...uh us, some privacy please.” I said starting to walk down the hall to my old bedroom. 

“Of course miss Penelope. I shall attend to the crops at once.” And with that Codsworth floated out the door. Deacon followed me back to my room. The remains of my bedframe laid there slightly caved in. I looked at Deacon and noticed he was still very confused. His ginger eyebrow raised waiting for some sort of explanation. 

“That was Codsworth, my uh Mr.Handy from before the war.” He nodded, crossing his arms and leaning against the doorframe. 

“Impressive that he’s stuck around this place for so long.” He seemed to have flinched when he said that. 

“Wait how do you know he’s been here for a long time?” I could see him rack his brain for some clever excuse or funny remark to say. “And actually why do you seem so….nonchalant about this?” He made some sort of snort and unfolded his arms. 

“Uh I do remember me questioning that this was your house.” I placed my hands on my hips and tilted my head at him. 

“You did. You questioned that this was my house, not the fact that I had a house here at all.” My eyes narrowed at him, he acted cool on the outside but I could see him starting to panic on the inside. “And Codsworth didn’t even question who you were. And he always ask who anyone is when they come into this house. So why didn’t he do that with you, Deacon?” I practically spit his name at him and he put his hands out in defense. 

“Ok ok. I got some explaining to do. But so do you and I vote that you go first.” He said attempting to plaster a fake smile on his face. I saw right through it and debated on whether I should go first to answer. 

“Fine. But I’m only giving you the quick response, I’m from the pre-war era. My family was taken to a vault, which was really only an experiment. I was frozen for over 200 years and then I woke up not that long before finding you and the Railroad. But why do I have this strange feeling that you knew some of that?” My words coming out harsh and cutting right through his facade. I noticed him swallow and he took a few steps toward me putting his hands up. 

“Alright, I’ll admit I knew you came from the vault. I was doin a little search and destroy type dealo up here when you came out. Out of curiosity I watched from the shadows and saw you talkin to the Mr.Handy before takin off again.” His voice was gentle but I gritted my teeth. He was lying. 

“Try again.” I said getting more and more agitated. He took another step toward me and I took one back. 

“Fine. The Railroad had…” He looked over at the window and before I could turn around, he pulled me by my waist and pressed his lips to mine. I made out a small gasping noise and let my eyes peer out the window, his lips still attached to mine. Two settlers were outside gossiping and looking inside, they probably heard us arguing. I shut my eyes instantly and wrapped my arms around his neck, deepening the kiss enough to make it seemed like it was filled with passion, when it really wasn’t. I was angry at him. He knew who I was and lied about it. But even though my head was filled with anger, my heart began to pump faster and my stomach was doing some more flip flops. The kiss felt like it went on for eternity before he pulled away, my eyes were wide as he panted a little before kissing my cheek and releasing me. We both looked at the window and the settlers had their backs turned walking away. I wanted to slap him and I could’ve now. But my flip floppin stomach held me back. 

“Your crappy lie will do for now, but this conversation isn’t over.” I said less angry sounding now. He straightened up and nodded, looking a little regretful. I walked out to the living room and sat on the couch remembering how hot it was. Deacon sat at the table in the kitchen. Both of us sitting in a tense silence for several minutes before he spoke up. 

“I can see you're upset,” I turned to glare at him. “But uh I have an idea that will help with the heat and lighten the mood.” A smirk appeared on his face and I tilted my head toward him. 

“And what’s that?” I asked curious to see what his great idea would be. 

“Well let me get my uh ‘disguise’ for that.” And he ran off to the back room with his pack of clothes.


	3. Cooling Off

Deacon emerged from the back room a few minutes later wearing nothing but...swimming trunks? I looked at his chest muscles, I knew that he had some but he was a little more buff than I realized. His famous sunglasses still attached to his head and a smirk was also glued on his face. He was reading my face and I realized the glare I was giving him was now gone, only to be replaced with a surprised face. He threw two pieces of cloth at me and I looked at them. It was a faded, yellow string bikini. My mouth dropped and I looked back up at his arrogant face. 

“I knew these would come in handy one day. I’ve always wanted to go swimmin’ and that little river out there seems like just the spot to cool down.” His smug face staring very intently at the bikini in my hands. I could feel my cheeks redden but I forced my expression to become stoic, not allowing him to read the dirty thoughts blooming in my head. 

“And what makes you think I’ll want to go swimming with you?” I asked trying to be as emotionless as possible. The smugness in his face not fading in the slightest. 

“Because it’s hot as hell outside and I think both of us could use some coolin off. Plus I can’t help but wonder how you’d look in that skimpy bikini.” His tone sounding a bit flirtatious and I swallowed. My thoughts wandering into a more sexual realm by the second. He got to me and he knew it. I narrowed my eyes at him and stood up, bikini in hand, and headed to the back room to change. His shit eating grin following all the way down the hall. 

I came out a few minutes later wearing a large bathrobe I happened to have stashed in my pack with the yellow bikini underneath. I felt slightly self conscious about him seeing me in this, let alone the whole settlement. He eyes looking me up and down, I swear he was trying to use some x-ray vision to peek underneath the robe to see if I was wearing it. I folded my arms across my chest and shyly looked down at the ground. 

“Don’t worry it’s underneath this. But I’m not flaunting my body to everyone here so let’s just get going.” I headed out the door and Deacon followed suit. I wasn’t exactly unhappy with my body, in fact I almost liked it more after being in the Commonwealth. I was stick thin before, no butt whatsoever, my boobs were pretty average size. But I had no muscle or strength before. After months in the Commonwealth I was fairly toned now. My legs were no longer one long stick, my thighs thick in muscle and my calves were as well. I didn’t have a six pack but I did have abs and two thin lines appeared on my stomach. My arms and back had some nice definition now. Not that looks really mattered out here, but walking down toward the river in this bikini, they suddenly did to me, especially knowing that Deacon would be the first person to really see me in something so skimpy. 

As we came up to the river he looked at me, waiting for me to take off the robe. My heart was pounding so hard I thought that once I took the robe off he would see it. I spun my finger around telling him to turn around. He obliged and began to wade in the river, it wasn’t really too deep. I let out a deep breath and untied the robe and slid it off my body, placing it on the picnic table behind me. He still hadn’t turned around and I was actually very ok with that. I slowly made my way to the water before hesitating to just rush in. 

“Is the water cold?” I asked, my skin practically burning in the sun, but swimming in cold water is one of the worst things. Deacon turned around, the water up to his waist, his eyes ogling every inch of my body. I avoided looking at his face, even though I couldn’t see his eyes behind those stupid sunglasses. He smiled and gave me a thumbs up. 

“Water’s perfect boss. And I gotta say once again I’m pretty impressed with you.” Before I could think about what he just said, I was already knee deep the water. My abs contrasting with the sudden coldness, before relaxing the deeper I got, I was starting to warm up. I didn’t want to get too close to him, keeping my distance in the water. I tried to zone out, thinking about the cold water against my hot flesh. It was soothing to say the least, but my eyes kept wandering to Deacon. His body wet and glistening as he took in the coldness of the river. His chest muscles were nothing spectacular, but they were there and they were begging for my attention. That is, until my eyes drifted to shoulder and arm muscles. I wanted to throw myself in his arms and let him crush me. As my mind began to think some more dirty thoughts I caught Deacon staring at me as well. He headed in my direction and as much as I wanted to walk in the other direction, my body stayed still. The cold water rushing between my legs, while a new heat rushed down below my stomach. He closed the distance and only stood a few inches from me. Through his sunglasses I could barely see his eyes moving down my body. I wanted to touch him, touch his arms and his chest, touch every part of him. The heat growing increasingly inside me. 

“You know...it’s been a long time since I’ve had some fun in the water.” His tone implying an innuendo and it almost frightened me. Chills raised goosebumps on my skin and I could feel his hot breath on my face. 

“Well now you are,” I said gulping and pushing away my sinful instincts. He smiled flashing his white teeth at me. My urges to throw myself at him growing stronger. 

“This wasn’t exactly the kind of fun I was talkin’ about, love monkey.” He lingered on the last two words and I snapped back into reality. I turned around to see Preston and Sturges fumbling to leave, seeing as they got caught spying on us. My urges fled along with the heat in my stomach. I let out a grumbled noise and got out of the water, putting my robe on and trudging back to the house. Why was I so upset about that? After all that was our cover, so he was only doing his job. I laid down on the couch, seeing Deacon walk in the door behind me. 

“Ya know actin’ like that and you're gonna blow our cover.” Deacon said sauntering on the couch and taking a seat next to my feet. I scooted my feet up a little, making more room for him. 

“Ya and they should know not to watch people during what could’ve been a very intimate moment.” I grumbled back. He chuckled. 

“Technically we’re alone now, we could make it an intimate moment…” His voice turned flirtatious again and I sat up on my elbows cocking an eyebrow at him. 

“I don’t get you. What’s your angle that you're trying to pull?” His smile didn’t fade but I could sense a feeling of hurt from him. I sat up fully and tucked my knees into my chest. 

“I guess you could say my angle is blowing up the institute, freein the synths, and bein a badass,” He said in a playful tone. I rolled my eyes and started to get up off couch to change. He grabbed my arm and I looked at him. The heat rushing through me and my heartbeat began to pick up speed. “Look, I think….I mean you're attractive….and I’m a guy.” He said clearly flustered, his hand still tugging at my arm to sit down. I obliged and tried not to get too ahead of myself. 

“Deacon are you...hitting on me?” I asked trying to read his expression. He took off his sunglasses and rubbed his face, releasing my arm. He shook his head and started chuckling to himself. My face had puzzlement written all over it. I also suddenly realized how very exposed I was underneath this robe. Deacon stood up and swatted at hand at the whole conversation. 

“Ya know I really don’t understand why more people don’t go swimmin,” He said in his joking tone, trying to derail the conversation. He cleared his throat and headed to the bedroom, probably to change. “And I think we should head out to HQ tomorrow. See if Dez has anything new for us.” His voice trailed down the hall and I sat there completely stumped. For once I didn’t want to leave Sanctuary yet, we just got here. Second, was Deacon actually….flirting with me? Did he find me attractive? Lastly, he still had some explaining to do about knowing that I lived here. I rubbed my temples with my fingers, all of this was starting to give me a headache.


	4. A Little bit of Honesty

The next day came too quickly and I awoke on the couch still in the bathrobe and bikini underneath. I don’t remember falling asleep, but Deacon was sitting on the chair adjacent to the couch, reading intently at some book. I slowly sat up, trying not to startle him from his reading. His eyes strayed away from the book and to my face. His lips pulled into a small smile. 

“You ready to head out boss?” He asked. I rolled my eyes. 

“Deacon, I’m not even dressed yet,” I groaned. He shrugged his shoulders and went back to his book. I stood up, grabbing my pack, and went in the back to change. I put on a beige tank top and some leather pants, along with my boots. As I came back out into the living room, Deacon was changed into some raider disguise. His bare chest revealed underneath the thin straps of the harness and I couldn’t help but stare for a minute. 

“Hey asshole, what are you lookin at?” He said in a fake angry tone, my eyes came up to meet his face which was covered by a sack hood with a breathing filter. I giggled a little out of nervousness. 

“You really do have a costume for everything don’t you?” I asked. He dramatically folded his arms across his chest. 

“Um excuse me, these are not costumes, they are top secret agent disguises.” He said playfully. I giggled again and grabbed my pack and my combat gun. He followed me out of the house with his things as well. The settlers turning their heads to look at us….well to look at Deacon. He held his weapon up in the air. 

“That’s right everyone, little miss Penelope converted a hardcore raider to a lover. But hey I still like the clothes, so no need to fear me and my crazy wrath.” He exclaimed to all the rubberneckers. I laughed and he held in a giggle, trying to act suave and tough still. He grabbed my hand and we strutted down Sanctuary together and for a moment I felt like us being together….like really together was actually a thing. But after we crossed the bridge and he let go, I was struck back to reality that we were not a couple and there was nothing between us….besides some mild sexual tension now. 

We had made it past the Red Rocket station and all the way through Concord before we encountered a group of vicious mongrels. I loaded up my combat weapon and began to shoot at the damn dogs. Deacon running off to the left of me to handle a few of them himself while I took on the three that were in front of me. Snarling and biting at my legs I shot each one of them down in a matter of minutes. I walked over to Deacon who had finished taking his share. Two, fairly deep scratches ran across his chest and blood dripped down his abdomen. 

“Huh would you look at that, some new battle scars. Just really adds to my lethal, psychotic raider look amiright?” He smirked. I rolled my eyes and nodded my head toward the direction of some shade so I could take care of his wound really quick. He sat down on a rock and I took out my medical supplies from my pack. His injury wasn’t serious enough for a stimpak, but the cuts ran fairly deep and might need stitches. I swallowed the little spit I had in my mouth, I was never good with needles. I took out a cloth and poured a little dirty water on it washing off the wounds. A tingling ran through my body as my hand made contact with his chest and I tried to ignore it. The mask covering his face was a little unsettling since I couldn’t see his face to read his expression, but I noticed a slight tightening in his chest as I ran the damp cloth over his broken flesh. Maybe it was from the stinging of the water touching the injury, but the tightening didn’t seemed to go away when I put down the cloth. 

“Deacon?” I asked pulling his attention to me. 

“Hm?” He hummed. I let out a deep breath. 

“You might need a couple stitches on your chest. Maybe not, but it’s better to be safe than sorry right? I wouldn’t want you to split these open even bigger when we come across another creature,” My gaze fixated on his chest muscles, I don’t know what it was that got me so hot and bothered about them but I couldn’t help myself. “Also you might want to wear a disguise that lets you wear a shirt.” Not just for the sake of his injury though, but also to help me control myself. 

“Awwwww but boss I’ve barely got to wear it,” He whined like a five year old. I rolled my eyes and rummaged through my pack to get out a needle and thread. My hands shook a little as I knew I had to pierce his skin with the needle. I let out a heavy breath and prepared myself. 

“You ready?” I asked him, seeing his chest tense up again. He nodded and I stuck the needle close to his wound, giving him a crappy, but doable, stitch job. Once I finished we both let out a sigh of relief, like I said it wasn’t great but it would hold it together until we got back to HQ. We continued walking again and I noticed he still seem tense. I was starting to get concerned that maybe I fucked up the stitching. 

“Everything ok Deac?” I asked. He didn’t look at me and just kept strutting along. 

“Perfecto boss lady.” I huffed, unhappy with his response. 

“Did I mess up the stitches? Are they hurting?”I slowed my pace and he realized how far behind I had lagged. He stopped and looked at me, forcing out a deep breath. 

“Nah, everything’s peachy. I’m good, you’re good. All's good.” He lied. Before he could turn around I grabbed his arm. I wanted to pull the stupid mask off but I didn’t want to make him mad, when he was starting to get a bit agitated. “Deacon...you just seem really tense since I was cleaning up your wound. Did I hurt you or something?” I asked hesitantly. He let out a real hefty sigh sounding like he needed to get something off his chest. He rubbed his temples through his mask and started mumbling. I took a step closer to him to hear what he was saying. He threw his arms down and turned around. 

“Look Bullseye...we’ve been traveling together for awhile now,” My heart stopped, he didn’t want to travel with me anymore. “And you know we’ve gotten kinda close. I mean I think you’ve heard just about every corny joke I can pull out my ass,” I snorted, truer words have never been spoken. “But you know how sometimes when you spend a long time with someone...things start to get….blurred.” He stopped and turned back around, so he wore the mask for a reason. He wanted to block me from seeing whatever was starting to cloud his mind. I didn’t know if he wanted a response from me so I just stayed silent, letting him pour all his thoughts out to me. “I guess things are just getting...confusing for me.” He paused and this time I felt like I should say something. I took another step closer to him in the process. 

“I’m not sure...what you’re confused about. Do you not want to travel...with me?” I asked choking on my words. He shook his head looking at the ground, kicking a patch of dirt. 

“Don’t take it the wrong way. I mean maybe when we get back to HQ I might take a little...hiatus on the traveling for a few days. But it’s just….I’m trying to be honest. To you. To myself. And this is really really hard.” His words came out choppy as if he wasn’t sure what to say, which was extremely unusually for him. Normally he’d just come up with some stupid comeback or lie, but this...him being honest thing. This was weird. 

As he and I both processed the words that just spilled from his mouth, I became suddenly aware of how close we were. I didn’t remember taking anymore steps toward him and yet here I was standing mere inches from him. The heat from the sun burned my back, but the heat from his body was burning my front just as much. My hands reached up and slipped the sack off of his face and I peered into his blue eyes. He stared back intently, but searching. His brain clearly looking for some answer in my green eyes. It felt like time had stopped as my lips slowly yearned for his before connecting only for a second. He pulled away instantly and all the heat began to burn my insides from embarrassment. He pulled the sack back over his face, his body still too close to mine now. 

“I’m sorry Penelope. I just...I can’t.” Tears welled up in my eyes and I looked up at the blue sky blinking them away. I took a moment to compose myself and walked passed him, not caring if he followed behind or not. I just marched down the road hoping some monstrous creature would pop up or some super mutants were taking a break. Of course, nothing happened. I heard Deacon suddenly run up behind me, out of breath, and I turned around to see him in a new disguise. Some sort of dirty wastelander outfit, I scoffed and continued my walk to HQ, Deacon silently trailing behind me.


	5. A lot of Honesty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is shorter than the others, but it's very dialogue heavy. And SPOILERS ahead.

After another day and several more hours of traveling, we were almost to back to HQ when Deacon decided to pipe up. 

“Bullseye...Penelope. I know I have some explaining to do.” Desperation quivered in his voice. I rolled my eyes, not slowing my pace any. I’ve had a bit of time to think about what happened two days ago. How he knew I lived in Sanctuary, why he let me kiss him, why the hell he was giving me mixed signals. All of these questions leaving me with no answers and I was getting quite steamed. 

“Ya you have a lot of fucking explaining to do, Deacon.” I said spitting out his name at him. I could feel his energy seeping out of him in shame. His footsteps came to a halt and I stopped in my tracks. I didn’t turn around to look at him before he started talking. 

“Before I joined the Railroad, I was wandering around this damn place like a lost puppy,” He started. I slowly rotated myself so I was now facing him. His shoulders slumped forward and his head gazing at the ground. I felt a little bad for snapping at him, but he did owe me a big explanation. He let out a sad sigh before continuing. “I was a real ass before. I used to run with a gang at University Point, the UP Deathclaws. We used to harass people we thought were synths, it kept getting worse and worse,” He paused again and I could feel his pain draining into my soul. “Until we performed a lynching...The leader was convinced that we had finally caught one, but I...don’t think so..” His voice ached and trembled and all I wanted to do was hold him. Just wrap my arms around him and let him stop reliving these awful memories of his past. I, of all people, could relate to how difficult that is. “So I left. I settled down to become a farmer. I know, hard to imagine right?” He forced a fake smile. “Then, sometime later, I met Barbara,” The image of her clearly emerged in his brain and I could see how he looked at her. So much love in his eyes and so much agony. “I never met a woman like her. She was so beautiful, I thought I had just died and gone to heaven. We married soon after our first meeting, love hitting us both hard,” He was on the verge of tears. I wanted to tell him to stop, that I didn’t need an explanation. It wasn’t worth seeing him in this kind of heart wrenching pain. But my lips stayed shut and my body stayed frozen. As if I was in the cryovault all over again, watching Deacon’s torture before my eyes and feeling helpless. “We wanted to start a family. Share our love with another person. Teach them that if you find someone in this world worth loving, then maybe it’s not the worst of times,” His voice quaking even more so and I couldn’t stop my own tears from pooling over my eyes. He stayed looking at the ground, his face scrunched in anger and torture. “But we didn’t get the chance. I don’t even know how, but the Deathclaws had found us and revealed that Barbara was a synth. She didn’t know and I for sure didn’t know and yet the worst people on this planet knew. They...killed her. I was so blinded by rage that I slaughtered all the Deathclaws. I was so bloodthirsty for revenge that I just ripped them to fuckin shreds. Every. Last. One.” He was shaking with rage. This time I took a step forward, wanting to get his attention. Bring him back to the present and out of the memory. 

“Deacon, I’m...I’m so sorry. You don’t have to tell me anymore…” My voice shaken with guilt, fear, and sadness. He shook his head and looked at me. Even through the sunglasses I could see his eyes glazed over with tears. 

“This is where you get involved. I was so lost without her and so horrified with the whole event, I just took off wandering the Commonwealth. I walked up and down every inch of this place before I had stumbled to your vault,” His expression had changed to a much softer one and his voice began to even out. My eyes widened slightly at the thought of him seeing my frozen body. “Naturally out of curiosity I went down and was..surprised to say the least at your vault. All the other ones I had been to were like this makeshift, little society while yours was just as desolate as the outside world. No rooms, no beds, just this eerie chill that this place had been abandoned. I walked down all the cryopods and noticed that all of them were dead. But then I came across you. Frozen, beautiful, and something inside me told me that you weren’t dead. So I waited. I set up a little shelter by your vault and sat there hoping that one of these days you’d wander out. It took a long time and in the meantime I was contacted by the Railroad to join their cause. It felt like my duty to do so and I asked to become their Commonwealth spy. Being stuck in one place wasn’t really a good thing for me, but I also wanted to be able to check up on you,” All of Deacon’s word hitting me right in my core. He called me beautiful, he stayed by the vault to see if I’d ever wake up, he became a spy partially to check up on me. My heart that was being torn to shreds a few moments ago, was slowly being put back together. “Lots of time passed. And I mean lots. Like I waited a really long time for you to come out of that damn thing, I hope you know that,” His playful tone slowly crept back into his voice and a smile appeared on my face. “So after like eternity, you drunkenly resurfaced. I watched you the whole time. I listened to your conversation with Codsworth about Shaun and Nate. I had a few of the pieces to the puzzle that you were but I was so curious to know all about you. So after you took off to Concord, I chatted up with your ol’ robo butler. He answered most of my questions, who you were, who Nate was, who Shaun was. But he never told me your name, or why your vault was some experiment. Either way I knew enough about you to….well care about you. After all I did wait a whole eternity for you,” He chuckled slightly and I did as well. “So I continued to watch you from the shadows. Leave you things like stimpaks, water, ammo, whenever I could see the fear and uncertainty in your body language. I basically led you to the Railroad without you even knowing at all.” His cheeky grin causing me to smile and my heart to flutter. 

I don’t think Deacon had ever revealed himself so much to anyone since Barbara and I felt so honored that he opened himself to me. I never expected him to be such a lost soul, all his quips and jokes and just his whole demeanor seemed like he was so put together. Like he understands this world. But he didn’t, he was just as lost and confused as I am. This whole new connection now strung my heart to his. 

“So when I...kissed you, you-” 

“Were still hung up on Barbara. And to be honest with you, which seems to be the theme of the hour, I don’t know if I’ll ever get over her. But these past couple days, I’ve been confused on my feelings for...you. Barbara is still the love of my life, but you..I’m not sure exactly how I feel. Obviously you’re my friend, that’s no question. But I gotta say, there’s something more to it. I wanna take this hiatus to just clear my head. Figure out where everything stands. When you kissed me, even though it really wasn’t a kiss, I mean I didn’t let it last even one second. But when your lips touched mine everything was just this blur inside my head. I don’t want to lead you on, which is exactly what I’ve been doing, but I don’t want to get your hopes up for things with me. And then I can’t go through with anything. I’m sure you understand.” I did and I tried to push all those thoughts down. But with Deacon wanting to go on a hiatus maybe I should clear my own head. 

“I understand. Nate was the love of my life as well.” Both of us stood in silence for a moment, grieving our losses. 

“Guess it’s time to head back into HQ. And thanks...I’ve needed to get that off my chest for awhile. And I’m glad the person who got to hear it all was you.” He smiled and my body tingled with warmth. I was overjoyed that Deacon chose me to trust, but a tiny part of me felt that I wish he hadn’t. It was only going to make things more complicated.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tweaked Deacon's life story a little, but didn't stray too much from what happens in the game. I just really wanted to give it more depth and really show his emotions about what happened. I hope you liked it! :)


	6. Dreams

When we arrived at back at HQ, Deacon acted like we didn’t have some really deep conversation and just went back to his regular self. He sauntered up to Desdemona like he owned the place, which I also found out was a lie. 

“Deacon, Bullseyes, you both have been gone for quite awhile. I hope you found some useful information on your long trip.” Desdemona said in her usual commanding tone. We really hadn’t done much helping or gathering while we were out there. I pried my eyes away from hers and she looked directly at Deacon. 

“Oh ya know Dez, we did our usual Commonwealth cleanup out there. Takin’ down super mutants, killin’ deathclaws, bein’ the heroes of the wasteland.” He taunted with his cheeky grin. He wasn’t exactly wrong, but his performance did not sway Desdemona in the least. 

“Bullseye?” She looked to me again and I gathered myself, appearing more confident. Acting like we actually did something useful. 

“We did help establish a new settlement for the Minutemen. I think it’d be smart if we got on their good side. We could possibly mesh into one giant force. They’re all about helping out the small guy and we could probably use their help ourselves.” Desdemona’s harsh gaze changed slightly to curiosity. She cocked an eyebrow at me and Deacon did as well. 

“So you think helping the Minutemen could help us? Interesting, but I don’t want our two best agents focusing their attention on something other than our cause. Nonetheless, I have another assignment for you two.” She hovered the round, brick table in front of her. Before she could speak again, Deacon had chimed up. 

“Actually Dez, Bullseye here will have to be doin’ this mission solo. I got some intel on a guy up at Quincy and I think it’s best I go alone.” I couldn’t tell whether or not this was a lie or just a backup he happened to have, but whatever it was Desdemona bought into it. 

“Fine, but as soon as you’re done I expect you to help out with Bullseye again. Now addressing your assignment, we have some intel on a runaway synth. We need you to meet up with Old Man Stockton up at Bunker Hill. Find out everything you can. Good luck to you both.” Desdemona went back to mapping out her plan to take down the Institute while Deacon and I headed to the back with all the mattresses. Both our mattresses were scrunched next to each other. We threw our packs down and stripped out of my armor while he stripped out of his wastlander outfit, back into a white shirt and jeans. I flopped down on my mattress first and he soon followed suit. I stared at the brick wall of the catacombs preparing to face the world alone again. 

“So you ready for tomorrow?” He asked as if reading my mind. I turned my head to look at him, those damn sunglasses still attached to his head. 

“Not in the slightest.” I grunted. I didn’t want to part with Deacon, even if it was just for a few days. Whether or not any romantic interest lingered between us, he was still my closest friend here. Hell, he was the closest friend I ever had, besides Nate of course. We had this rhythm together and starting tomorrow I’d have to go back to beating my own drum. I really didn’t like the thought of it. Deacon laid on his side facing me and I turned so my whole body was facing his as well. 

“Really? ‘Cuz I’m totally prepared to take all the credit for saving the Commonwealth single handedly,” He said in his usual smug tone. I snorted choosing to ignore his comment. 

“It’s going to be so weird being alone. I’ve gotten quite used to having a companion at my side. Even one as…..annoying as you,” I said sarcastically. He acted appalled but couldn’t keep a straight face for very long before seeming a little sad himself. 

“Out of all the annoying, disgusting people in the world….I’m glad to be rid of you.” I knew it was a lie to begin with, but his smile reassured that he really didn’t mean those words. I smiled back before laying on my back once again. I didn’t want to say goodnight or anything, trying to make it not as big of a deal as I felt it was. I closed my eyes attempting to sleep but alas, that plan had failed. 

I laid there, eyes forcefully shut, thinking about mine and Deacon’s discussion earlier that day. How his eyes told his awful story of love and loss, one that was similar yet very different than my own. I thought about what Barbara might be like. I imagined her with long, curly brown hair, light freckles on her face, and lovely, hazel eyes. I imagined Deacon, no wig, no sunglasses, no ridiculous costume, just Deacon sitting on his farm beaming over her. Watching her crouch down in the sun, picking crops, little beads of sweat forming on her face. Deacon’s eyes taking in every inch of her, loving every inch of her. I imagined him so happy and content with his life, him and her. Then the image changed. Deacon was no longer starstruck by a curly, brown haired beauty, but rather a strawberry blonde. I was the one now working in the field, looking over at Deacon observing me work. I sauntered over to him and plopped a seat next to him, his arm wrapping over my shoulders pulling me into him. His lips kissed the crown of my head and I looked up. But the image had once again changed. It was no longer Deacon’s blue eyes I was staring up into, but Nate’s brown ones. We were no longer sitting on a farm, but on the couch of our living room. The television discussing the daily news and Codsworth cooking breakfast in the kitchen. The faint sound of a baby crying took place in the background and Codsworth had assured he would take care of it. 

No. 

Codsworth appeared around the corner a moment later and insisted that the baby needed his mother at once. I got up off the couch and went into the baby’s room. Into Shaun’s room. I cooed him and spun his rocketship mobile. Nate stood in the doorway of his room. Asking about what we should do for Halloween, I suggested that we go get pumpkins for carving. Codsworth calling us back out into the living room sounding frantic. We rushed to look at the breaking news. The anchor was so distraught sharing the news. The bombs were falling. 

No. 

We ran outside, Shaun was in Nate’s arms. We ran passing neighbors and friends who were in a state of panic. We ran across the bridge and to...the vault. So much terror and screaming as we all piled onto the elevator. Then it happened. 

No. 

The bombs dropped and debris went flying everything an instant. 

No. 

The elevator was going down to our doom at a slow rate. 

No. No. NO! 

I woke up drenched in sweat and was breathing heavily. Everyone around me in the catacombs was asleep. I wanted to roll onto Deacon’s mattress and into his arms. At the very least I wanted to nudge him awake, but he was going to have several long days ahead of him and I was as well. I laid there staring at the stone ceiling above me. Maybe my solo mission wasn’t such a good idea after all.


	7. Day 1 of Glory

The next morning came and I felt like utter shit. The little sleep that I had gotten was filled with sweet images of Deacon and Barbara that slowly transformed into the nightmare of when the bombs fell. My head was pounding and all I wanted to do was lay on this mattress all day. My eyelids felt heavy and I wasn’t sure if I could even open them, or even if I wanted to open them. Deacon could’ve been gone by now and I was so too afraid to see if his mattress was left empty. I forced my eyes open and looked to the left of me. He was gone, just like I knew. I took a quick survey of the room, most people were busy with work already, while a few were still out cold. No one was paying attention to me and I decided to shuffle myself onto Deacon’s mattress. A slight warmth still lingered on it showing that he hadn’t left too long ago. A hint of his scent was engraved on the fabric and I breathed it in. I couldn’t quite pinpoint what it was a combination of, but regardless I knew it just smelt of him. It comforted me. I took in as much of what was left of him on his mattress before I spotted Desdemona talking to Glory. 

I got off of Deacon’s mattress and put on my flannel shirt over my tank top. I walked over to Glory and Desdemona curious as to what they were discussing. Their voices lowered until they stopped speaking entirely, both of their eyes fixated on me and I couldn’t tell whether or not I was intruding. Glory smiled and Desdemona’s harsh gaze softened somewhat. 

“Bullseye, I was just informing Glory that she is to accompany you on this mission,” Desdemona said while Glory stood looking proud. I was a bit confused, surely I was capable of handling this alone. 

“Dez here thought you could use a friend on this one, seeing as Deacon is on his own quest,” Glory stated. I had never really worked with her before, to be honest the only thing I knew about her, besides how intimidating she can be, was that she is a synth. 

“Are you sure? I don’t want you to come with me just because Deacon isn’t here. “ I didn’t enjoy feeling like some baby who was being pawned off to another grown up. Glory snorted and Desdemona threw her a look. 

“We’re not trying to make it seem as though you aren’t capable of doing this alone, but Deacon had informed me that you prefer to be with a partner rather than alone.” Desdemona chose her words carefully, but the spark of fury ignited inside me. I had never told Deacon that before, but he still felt the need to have someone supervise me. I made a very obvious annoyed face and Desdemona asked Glory to give a minute. Glory let out a huff and walked away pulling a cigarette out of her pocket. 

“Bullseye, I know that Deacon has a soft spot for you. He’s never spoken so highly of another agent before and he just doesn’t want anything to happen to you. I know you’re capable of doing this, but for Deacon’s peace of mind, I’m sending Glory with you. Just as a precaution.” Her voice was low and had a hint of, dare I say, emotion. I nodded, wanting to tell her that Deacon’s request was stupid and unnecessary, but I chose to swallow my pride and accept that Glory would be with me for the next couple days. “Good, Glory has all the information you may need. Good luck.” Desdemona said giving my shoulder a quick squeeze before walking away. 

I walked over to the brick post Glory was leaning against smoking a cigarette. She was gazing off in her own world and I cleared my throat to get her attention. One corner of her lips pulled into a smirk and she took one last hit from her cigarette before dropping it to the ground and stomping on it. 

“You ready to go? Or do you wanna bail on me instead?” She said in tone that hinted at sarcasm. I smiled at her, trying to be as positive about the situation as I could be. 

“I don’t want to bail on you. I just didn’t want you to feel like you’re just supervising me like some parent,” I said trying to sound cool and collected. She was giving me some sort of stink eye and I could feel myself shrinking in her presence. I never personally felt afraid of Glory before, until now that is. Her body language at first glance seemed like she didn’t care, but stand in front of her and really take it in, you’ll see her power in her stance, her stern face showing fearlessness, and her eyes burned with confidence. She gave me a good look up and down before smirking again. 

“I wouldn’t use the term parent to describe my supervising. More like boss,” She sneered. I forced out a laugh and we grabbed our stuff, heading out of HQ and to Bunker Hill. 

***** 

After a few very silent and awkward hours, we made our way to Bunker Hill and spoke to Mr.Stockton. He told us to go to the dead drop, take of all the raiders, and wait for him so we can deliver the package (aka a runaway synth trying to get to safety). 

Traveling with Glory wasn’t horrible, actually she did a lot of the dirty work. She cleared out all the raiders at the dead drop before I could even cock my shotgun. It was only about 4:30 or so when the dead drop was ready to go for the synth, but Mr.Stockton wouldn’t be showing up until after sundown, so around 6ish. Glory had parked a seat down on one of the pews inside the church and took out another cigarette from her never ending stash. I was never sure on how to approach conversation with her, so I usually didn’t. This time though, she decided to speak up first. 

“So Bullseye, tell me. How you likin’ doing your own work for once?” She said, her tone didn’t sound cold or sarcastic, which was unusual for her. I sat down on the same pew as her still keeping a little distance between us. 

“Um, it’s alright I guess. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t miss Deac though.” Why I added the ‘I miss him’ I really don’t know. But I felt that maybe opening up to more than one person could be good. 

“Ya, you two are practically inseparable. I’m shocked he even wanted to go off to Quincy by himself.” Her powerful stance had turned into a relaxed slouch. I felt a little more comfortable. 

“He just wanted some time to think, I guess.” She snorted and blew out a ring of smoke. 

“Not surprised, before you, that’s all he wanted to do. Go off on his own, think, and then come back to report on whatever intel.” A feeling of entitlement bloomed inside me. Deacon wasn’t just going off to think, he was going off to check on me. 

“Did he say anything about what he came across in the Commonwealth?” I asked her. Not that I thought he would mention waiting for me, but a teeny tiny part of me had hoped he did. 

“Other than intel? Nope. Just that there is a lot of crazy, unexpected shit out there.” A twinge of sadness poked in my core, but I brushed it off, focusing on the conversation. 

“I think anyone living here already knew that.” I said chuckling, she laughed and scooted a little closer to me. Her eyes sparkled with warmth, unlike the eyes I was seeing before. And then just in flash, her eyes changed again to mischievous curiosity. I had a feeling I knew what she was going to say next. 

“So speaking of Deacon, you two ever hook up?” Her question was blunt just like her face. I wanted to be like Deacon and lie. Just say yes and let her tease me for a minute and then move on. But I couldn’t lie about that. A glimpse of his face talking about the pain he felt for Barbara flashed in my mind and I shook the thought away as fast as I could. No I definitely couldn’t lie about that. 

“Actually...no.” My voice trembled a little and she sat up, even more curious than before. 

“But don’t you two have like a thing for each other?” She tossed the cigarette aside, really engaging herself in the conversation, much more than I’d like her too. Once again I wanted to lie and say no. That all we are and ever will be, is friends. But something inside me felt that maybe she could help. Give me some unbiased advice, I mean she’s known Deacon longer than I have right? 

“Sort of, it’s….complicated, to say the least.” I stared at a burnt bible on the ground, not wanting to look at her face anymore. She crossed one leg over her knee and placed her arm behind me on the top of the pew. 

“I know we’re not like friends really, but you can talk to me about this if you want. We have like an hour to kill anyways.” Her tone sounded welcoming, like she genuinely cared. 

“It’s just...I don’t know how much Deacon has told you about his past.” 

“I know that he ripped apart some assholes because they were picking on a synth or something. He won’t tell us very many details and Dez, who actually saw it all, won’t tell either. So I really don’t know anything besides that.” I couldn’t tell her about Barbara and how the Deathclaws killed her. That wasn’t my place to tell. 

“Oh, well Deacon was in love with someone, really really in love, and they can never be together again,” She would probably figure out who she was, but I kept talking, letting my feelings bubble up and begin to pour out. “Anyways, I technically kissed him the other day. But he pulled away before it was even a second. He went to Quincy to sort out his feelings...for me.” I was almost choking on my words as they slipped out of my mouth. Glory’s jaw just about hit the floor. She shook herself out of the shock and composed herself. 

“Look, that sucks, whatever happened to his love. But don’t let that stop you and push down any feelings you have. No matter how much you may want to push and especially if the feelings get deeper, don’t. Because Deacon may have lost this girl, and I may not know a whole lot about the guy, but I do know that he has a lot of love to give. Give it time.” She looked at me like the most caring friend in the world when she spoke and gave my shoulder a quick pat. Although she just said don’t push down any feelings, I did push down the urge to hug her and cry.


	8. H2-22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just really love H2-22 and wanted to incorporate him in some way, because he is such an underrated character.

H2-22 was one of the sweetest people I had ever met. Glory and I helped him get to the safehouse with Highrise. We had offered to stay and protect him while we were there and in doing so, I had this sort of bond with him. He didn’t want to say much for fear of the Institute, but he didn’t need to. 

The first night we were there, Glory had opted to take watch of the front door so H2-22 and I could get some rest. The others were on watch as well and had left us alone in a bedroom. He sat on the couch, probably fantasizing about his new future, while I laid on the bed trying to stray my thoughts away from Deacon. I surveyed H2, adoring how silently optimistic he was. I wasn’t attracted to H2, but there was something about how that just made me cherish him. I sat up slowly trying not to startle him and his eyes flickered toward me. I brushed my hair behind my ear and my eyes locked with his for a moment before we both looked away. I wanted to make a real connection with him. 

“I’m from prewar times believe it or not,” I said gingerly while capturing his full attention. I met his gaze again and gave a small smile. “I had a husband and a son,” My small smile faded away and H2’s eyes grew concerned. “Before the bombs fell. We were frozen into a vault and I awoke to this...desolate place. My husband shot dead and my son...kidnapped,” I grabbed control of my voice so it wouldn’t tremble. I didn’t want to scare him with my quivering words. He sat up, his mouth agape wanting to say something but I beat him to the punch. “I was reborn into this world. I was scared, confused, and...and I had a small sense of hope.” I got up off the bed and sat next to H2, putting my hand on his thigh. He let out a tiny sigh of tension and I could feel my chest tighten, but I wanted to make a lasting connection with him, before it was too late. 

“I’m….I’m so sorry...about what happened.” His timid voice stuttering and I shook my head, the smile grew back onto my face. 

“I’m telling you this because….well I know you’re afraid. I know that this is a big decision but we both know it’s for the better. A new life. And I just want some of your few moments here, before you forget, to be good ones. To feel as though you’ve made a friend who not only wants to help you, but who understands you. To make you forget the fear and the scariness.” He grabbed my hand and gave me a gentle smile in return. I could feel my eyes water and my words clouding my head. H2 was someone special and not only did I want to be that friend for him, but I needed him to be that friend for me. I gave his hand a squeeze and rested my head on his shoulder. Both of us were tense, but there a was sense of calmness in the air between us. 

“You are a...very kind person.You think of me as...less as a synth and more as a friend. And I will cherish these days with you forever.” His voice was so soft spoken, but filled with heart. My hand stayed attached to his and my body was going to burst from the love I instantly felt for him. I knew that in a couple short days, his mind would be erased and he would forget everything, including me. But H2 would hold a piece of my heart forever and I’ve never been more grateful for meeting someone. 

***** 

And just like that, my time with H2 had come and gone, as he laid in the chair at Dr. Amari’s. I didn’t get to say goodbye to him and I almost felt that was a good thing. As Amari spoke i ignored everything she said and focused on his synth body lying in the pod. My heart ached, but I knew that this was the best for him and that, in turn, also my made my heart a little happy. Just as I snapped back into the discussion with Amari, she informed me that H2 had left a holotape for me. She handed it over to me and I took it without hesitation, practically sprinting to the hotel. I got to my room and dropped my pack to the ground, flopping onto the bed. I placed H2’s holotape into my pip-boy and stared at the ceiling. 

“The doctor said I could say goodbye. I decided to..have the operation. I know I’ll lose all my memories but I don’t want to be sad. I-I have nightmares and this world...the SRB...being haunted. I just can’t handle it. Everyone says I’ll be safer if I start a new life. I-I know I’ll be happier. My only regret is...I’ll forget...Old Man Stockton...Highrise….and..you. Looking back there’s only fear, worse than fear. But I will miss my new...friends. ‘It’s time H2’. I-I...uh...heh...thanks.” The holotape ended and tears slowly rolled down my cheeks. It broke my heart hearing his voice quake with fear as he spoke of his life here. But my soul knew that H2 could finally be happy, he could live without the nightmares of the Institute, he could start new. And I knew I made that impression I wanted to. Even though he didn’t say it, his voice revealed that he felt a sense of love for me too. My body began to ache and I yearned for a hug. 

Right then the tears stopped and my heart didn’t feel as though it was crumbling inside me. H2 was a beautiful soul, but he was also a lovely distraction from the person who I had really developed feelings for. I would miss H2 dearly, but it was nothing compared to how my soul searched desperately for Deacon’s. We’ve only been apart about 5 days and I felt the waves of insecurity come crashing over me.What if Deacon finds someone better? Was that what I was doing with H2? What if Deacon never makes it back? What if Deacon just doesn’t want to come back? I wanted to cry, let out all my emotions before Glory got back. I didn’t want her to walk in any moment from the Third Rail as I was having a breakdown. She probably wouldn’t judge, in fact, she’d probably just leave again. But I wanted to avoid that all if I could. However, the tears wouldn’t come and my emotions just seemed to continue eating my insides alive without any external relief. 

I forced my eyes shut, hoping my mind would turn off, but it didn’t. Glory arrived a few hours later and dragged the other mattress to the ground, falling asleep almost instantly. I was curled onto my side at this point, eyes still shut, but mind still very much awake. Thoughts of H2,Deacon, and even Nate swirled into my brain. H2 holding my hand on the couch, Nate planning Halloween activities, and Deacon...our lips simply brushing against each other for a second. All of them lovely, but almost torturous memories. My innards twisting into knots and all I wanted to do was sleep. Just sleep.


	9. Day 2 of Glory

We had arrived back at HQ 2 days ago. He still wasn’t here. I kept myself busy, taking on smaller missions to occupy my brain, tagging alongside Glory in our new found...acquaintanceship. She had asked a few questions, making sure I was okay, asking if I needed to talk with Dr. Carrington. I always lied (I learned from the best didn’t I?) and said I was ok, just feeling rundown and in a rut. She never quite believed me, but it was satisfactory answer nonetheless. Although I think everyone at HQ could see I was being torn from the inside. Desdemona checked on me a few times, saying that all field agents were always treated this way, but they weren’t. Glory didn’t need to be checked on, she wasn’t worried sick about what Deacon thought of her, she just held her own. I’d never been more envious of someone than I had been of her in these past two days, which had felt like an eternity’s time. 

Nearing the end of day two, I was sitting on my mattress downing a can of cram, mourning over Deacon’s empty spot. Glory had spotted the depression growing inside my eyes and sauntered over toward me, making sure not to touch Deacon’s spot. I kept my eyes glued on the torn fabric. 

“Ya know he’s gonna be alright.” The attitude in her stance didn’t match the tone of her caring voice. My eyes didn’t flinch. 

“I know.” I sounded dead, just as my soul felt inside me the longer I was here alone. Glory crouched on the ground trying to get my attention. I put down my cram and broke my stare away from the mattress and to her. Her eyes hard with a hint of desperation to pull me out of this zombie state. 

“Deacon is a complicated person, you...you’re an open book. Everyone knows that you’re mulling over him and they feel sorry for you. But I don’t,” Her harsh words cutting into my core. Her eyes glowed with a fire, which I wasn’t sure if I should be afraid of or not. “It’s been two days Bullseye. But you make it seem like he’s been gone for two years. You need to pull yourself out of this damn pity party of yours.” She sounded as mean as she looked, but I hoped it was coming from a place of friendship and not annoyance. I stood up and she did the same. I cleared my throat trying to prevent myself from slipping back into my mind. 

“Glory, I’m not trying to have a pity party.” My voice quivered like a boy going through puberty. She sneered, crossing her arms at me. 

“Bullseye, cut the bullshit. I’m a synth, not an idiot. You are head over heels for Deacon and because he’s not here, you wanna sit here and cry over it. Stop. Get yourself together. Go out into the Commonwealth. Kick some fucking ass and prove to yourself, that you are strong, without anyone.” She was turning to walk away and I knew she was right. I was letting my self worth be in the hands of someone who probably only considers me a friend. Before I could say thanks or anything, she stopped and turned back around toward me. This time her eyes a little sad. “And you know...I know you got some shit from your past. Maybe you should bury that hatchet first before anything.” She then continued walking toward the other side of the catacombs and I was left standing there awestruck. 

Over the past week, I had told her some tidbits from my past before the war, before the Commonwealth. I clued her in on the fact that I was looking for my son and this was just a benefit of doing so. I told her about the vault and how we were all just some sick experiment. I even told her about Nate. Glory was a lot smarter than she looked and realized that he still tugged on some of my heart strings, preventing me from moving on. I even forgot about it most of the time because I had pushed all those thoughts and feelings down. All these new feelings had blossomed for Deacon, that I had tried to wipe away all the feelings I ever had for Nate. I knew eventually I would have to cross this bridge and today was that day. Something needed to be done for my mind to be at ease with his death. I quickly caught up to Glory before she could talk to Drummer Boy about anything else. 

“Glory wait. You’re right. Nate is...still constantly in the back of my mind and I want to...get rid of the pain for him. But I’ll need your help. Please.” My voice pleading and Drummer Boy looked to Glory who tried to keep her arrogance down. She looked at Drummer Boy and nodded him to go in the other direction, for which he obliged. 

“What do you need?” 

“I need you to go back to the vault with me, the one by Sanctuary.” I really hoped she would pry anymore and would just help me. Letting the explanation happen once we were actually down inside the vault. And to my prayers she didn’t. She simply nodded her head in compliance and walked over to Desdemona to inform her that we would be gone another day or two. 

“You’re going back to the vault? Is everything alright?” Desdemona’s concern sounded like a mother and brought a sort of comfort to me. 

“Yes, I just...I just need to take care of some unfinished business.” I spoke softly and Desdemona understood what was happening. She nodded and went back to her business, leaving me and Glory to head off on the road once again. 

***** 

We walked all afternoon and all through the night, my feet not stopping until we made it to the vault. I felt a little bad for not really taking any sort of break for Glory’s sake, but she made no complaints and followed after me. It was nearly 6am by the time we approached the large elevator that was embedded into the ground. The sun blinding my heavy eyes from staring too long at the concrete surface below my feet. Glory stood to the side, debating whether or not to speak up. This was the moment that needed to happened and a copious amount of weight developed inside of my chest. I closed my eyes, trying to grab ahold of the reality I was about to endure. 

“If you could hit the button...and then stand here with me...please.” My voice shook almost as much as my hands did. She nodded and hit the button that lowered the elevator into the vault and then ran back standing by my side. The concrete panel submerged into the depths of the earth and my heart was pounding so loud it was all I could hear. Glory’s eyes shifted to my closed ones, but I didn’t want to look at her. Not right now. The elevator came to a halt at the bottom and the wired gate lifted open. I let out a shaky breath and raised my eyelids allowing me to see the place I desperately escaped from. 

“Look if this is too painful we ca-” I raised my hand as a sign to stop talking, shutting her up instantly. I walked out into the isolated vault and down toward the frozen tombs that once inhabited hopeful people. I refused to look at any of the other bodies lying in their death chambers and focused on the one at the end. Glory’s footsteps sounded heavy behind me, keeping her distance. I shut my eyes once again and turned toward Nate’s body. Tears slipping from my eyes before I could even open them. I thought I might puke or have a heart attack at any second, which I wasn’t opposed to stopping at this moment. I unwillingly opened my eyes to face Nate’s cold body, slumped over with a bullet in his brain. The tears flooded my vision and everything became distorted. I hadn’t even realized my cries had become vocal until I heard Glory let out a quiet sob herself. I still wasn’t ready to face her and kept my attention to Nate. I involuntarily fell to my knees and collapsed into my trembling hands. My body shaking violently and the volume of my cries were uncontrollable. I hadn’t realized how much pain I had grounded down inside of my soul. The more I let myself pour into my hands, the lighter my chest was beginning to feel, but I knew it wouldn’t go away completely until I did what I came here to do. 

After several very long, aching minutes, I mustered all the strength to my legs and stood up. My hands no longer violently shaking and my tears now softly streamed down my face allowing my vision to clear. I faced Nate’s lifeless body and took a more controlled, deep breath. I laced my hands together in front of me and hung my head slightly. 

“I-I’m so sorry Nate. I’m sorry...for the bombs falling. For signing us up...to be...to be apart of this vault. I’m sor...sorry that Shaun was ripped from your arms. And I’m sorry for developing...feelings for Deacon,” I was choking and stuttering on my words, making me feel embarrassed. But I knew I needed to do this and continued on. “But just know, that even...even if I fall for someone else...you will always be my first true love. And I-I’m very lucky to have called you mine...for so long,” Glory still silently cried behind me, feeling the pain that had overflown out of my body and out of the words I was speaking. “Deacon is really great. Very different than you. But I..uh...I think you would approve. He’s not sure whether or not he likes me. He lost the love of his life to….but either way, he’s very important to me. And I just felt like you...you should know. I...I love you..very much.” Just like that the weight had subsided from my chest and I kissed my fingers which I then gingerly placed onto the window of Nate’s pod. 

I finally faced Glory, feeling a new wave of confidence and pride beginning to blossom inside my chest. But it was still overshadowed by my sadness, which I knew would linger for a little while longer. Glory sniffed and blinked away the rest of her tears. She stood up straighter and I went in to hug her. She stiffened at my touch and gently patted my back, but I expected it. Still I continued to embrace her and let myself melt into her leather chest plate. 

“Thank you for...being my friend here. I couldn’t do that alone.” My voice still shaken. She cleared her throat, regaining her tough exterior. 

“It’s what friend’s do.” I pulled away and gave her a weak smile. She gave my shoulder a quick squeeze and we headed back to the elevator. Both of us silent and sad, but relieved. Nate was gone and speaking to body had made it very permanent. But I felt that inside me I had received the approval I had been needing to move on and with that I never needed to go back into this hell hole ever again.


	10. Deacon's Return

Glory and I had now established that we were friends now. No longer just acquaintances. But how could anyone be just acquaintances after sharing such a vulnerable, intense moments together? We walked back to HQ together chatting, the sadness lingered less and less the farther away we were away from the vault. Both of us getting more comfortable with the newly dissolved boundaries in this partnership. 

I learned a lot about Glory on the walk back to the church. How she found the Railroad. Why she picked the name Glory. Even how one, drunken night, her and Drummer Boy got a little handsy with each other, which of course resulted in an awkward work situation for awhile. She now thinks it’s hilarious, he on the other hand, is still very embarrassed by it. Glory wasn’t as icy as most people thought her to be, she was actually a very emotional person but learned to suppress her emotions and let them out when she was completely alone. In fact, it’s why she did enjoy going on missions alone, so she could cry and scream and let everything just seep out of her. Something I don’t think anyone would believe, hell I probably wouldn’t have believed it either, if it not for the whole crying down in the vault. 

It made for a pleasant and shorter journey back to HQ. By the time we had reached the old church, it seemed as though only a couple hours had passed, when really a whole day had passed. The exhaustion hitting me like punch in the face the minute we stepped into the catacombs. Almost everyone was asleep and I was going to be lucky if I made it to my mattress without passing out before hand. I gave Glory a quick hug, which she actually reciprocated, before walking to the back room. My feet dragged on the ground, not being bothered to be lifted up with each step, my eyelids drooping. When I went to lay down I had realized a body now was laying on Deacon’s mattress. I rubbed my eyes to make sure I wasn’t hallucinating from sleep deprivation. I examined the sleeping body; black wig, dirty white shirt, sunglasses, a smug face. It was Deacon. It felt like the wind had been knocked out of me and I dropped onto my mattress. Deacon shuffled a little in his sleep but didn’t wake up. He probably would soon though and I tried to stay awake. But I was too tired to keep myself up, I was even too tired to feel excited that he was even back. I just needed to sleep for now. 

***** 

I woke up, who knows how many hours later, feeling like my energy had been replenished. I immediately looked at the mattress next to me, even though I certainly knew he’d be up by now, hoping to see his body still there. It wasn’t. Actually nobody was asleep anymore. I checked the time on my pip-boy 2:07pm. Holy shit, I thought to myself. I jumped up and grabbed myself a box of Yum Yum deviled eggs and scarfed them down. Frantic, I looked around HQ trying to find Deacon. My heart fluttering in my chest. I almost passed him down by the little target practice area, since he was in another disguise. I took a few small steps toward him, trying to contain my excitement that he was finally back. 

As I stood there, waiting for him to finish shooting off his rounds, I realized I didn’t know what to say to him. Hey how was Quincy? Did you get over your dead wife yet? No that was incredibly selfish. What about, hey Deac, I’ve missed you? I hope everything went well? Should I even ask how it went to begin with? My mind was getting confused and I almost wanted to turn around and leave. But Deacon shot off his last bullet, cutting right through the cardboard target. He turned around and a smile painted onto his face, a real smile. I thought my heart had stopped all together for a moment and I felt like I was choking on the air. A smile slowly crept across my face and Deacon took a few steps toward be, closing the big gap between us. 

“Bullseye! How’s my favorite, little Commonwealth hero?” He exclaimed, beaming with joy that began to radiate inside me. My skin was growing hot and I had to resist every urge to throw myself into his arms. His toned arms. 

“I’m glad you’re back Deac,” I said shyly, showing a hint of my enthusiasm. He gestured for me to following him and of course I gladly did. 

“Let’s take a little stroll up in the church shall we?” His voice was inviting and warm. We both paraded up through the catacombs and into the ruins of the old church. Bodies of feral ghouls littered the place, giving it a sort of haunting vibe to the place. He strolled to the pile of debris in the middle of the room and I stayed a little off to the side. Allowing him to take control over the conversation. He placed his hands behind his back and looked at the ruins around him. My eyes following the path he wandered. 

“Ya know I never really believed much in a god or religion. But for Barbara’s sake, I really hope there’s something,” His voice no longer inviting and was now instead filled sorrow. “I thought about her even more so when I was down in Quincy,” I wasn’t sure where he was going with this. But I decided to think the worse and just assume that we would only ever be friends, which in all honesty wasn’t that bad. The corners of his mouth twitched as he spoke about her. “I thought about her smile, her hair, her eyes. And I know I’ll never love another person the same way I loved her. My Barbara,” My heart twinged with pain as his words wafted into the air. He paused for a long time, his back toward me. I stayed frozen in place, not wanting to interrupt his flow. He let out a hefty sigh and turned to face me. I could see little water imprints down his face, he hid his crying well. He rubbed his face, removing his glasses in the process. The aching inside me forced me to take a step closer to him. He stopped rubbing and kept his sunglasses in his hand as his eyes came up to meet mine. I stayed my distance but I could feel his gaze attempting to pull me to him. “I thought about you a lot too,” A lump formed in my throat. His eyes still a little watery. “I thought about seeing you first come out of the vault. How innocent and naive you were. I thought about how I’ve seen you grow and become this kick ass agent. And I realized...obviously I do have some feelings for you. Feelings I haven’t had for anyone since...well you’re the first in a long time. And I don’t think it’s fair to close myself off from you,” He came toward me, closing the space between us. He was a few inches from me and I could feel the heat of his skin burning mine. His head hovered above mine and I could feel his shallow breaths on me. “It’s going to take time, but for now, I think I want to retry something.” His hand lifted my chin up toward his face and he leaned down slowly. 

Our eyes met for only a second before we both closed them, our lips softly melting into each other. He moved his hand from under my chin and cradled my head, using his other hand to bring my waist to his body. I moved my arms to hug his waist while we kissed. My heart pounding so hard I thought it was trying to escape my body. His body trembled slightly out of nerves, but his lips softly showed that he wanted this. That he wanted me. His fingers knotted into my hair, deepening the kiss. His slick tongue asked for permission against my bottom lip and I granted him access. His tongue explored my mouth and I explored his. Our tongues dancing together and it caused my stomach to twist and turn with excitement. We slowly detached ourselves from one another, allowing our lips to take their time to separate. My cheeks were flushed and my heart didn’t seem like it was ever going to slow down. His body still pressed against mine and the hand behind my head dropped to my arm around his waist. He took ahold of my hand and laced his calloused fingers with my dainty ones. His blue eyes piercing my soul and I couldn’t break away, even if I wanted to. 

“That felt...right. But please, be patient with me,” His words tenderly escaping his mouth and we both knew that we wouldn’t kiss again for a while. But I was willing to wait for him. I nodded my head to show it and he smiled, letting his forehead rest against mine. “Thank you Penelope.” I closed my eyes and gave him a small peak on the cheek. 

“Anything for you Deac.”


	11. Everything went up in Flames

Things had gone relatively back to normal between Deacon and I. We conquered our missions together, him making terrible jokes along the way, and me just resisting every temptation to touch him at any given moment. For the most part, I let him always make the move, not wanting to push him or make him uncomfortable. He seemed to enjoy little peaks on the cheek and every once in awhile I’d grab his hand if we came across a particularly creepy place. But I never dared to do anything more. We had kissed a couple more times since our little talk in the church several weeks ago. Of course I let him initiate it, letting his lips find mine. Our kisses always felt short, but satisfying nonetheless. 

One night, after clearing out a destroyed apartment complex filled with super mutants, we decided to bunk there. It was safe for the time being and gave us a little privacy from the world. But it was still quite exposed, letting the chill of the wind constantly brush against our skin. I rolled out my bedroll, shivering as I did so. My vault suit had long sleeves and was somewhat warm, but this wind had a bitter coldness to it that broke past my barrier. I almost considered sleeping in my armor, but it was too stiff to be comfortable in and ending up stripping it off. Deacon took off his armor as well, but keeping on his disguise of a settler, which consisted of a long sleeve, flannel shirt, jeans, and a trilby hat. He replaced the hat with his wig instead, for comfort reasons I’m sure, and scooted his bedroll as close to mine as possible. Sleeping together was a dream of mine, but Deacon wasn’t ready for that step yet. Tonight however, that rule just might bend. He laid down on his bedroll while I rummaged through my pack, looking for any other clothing that could provide me with some warmth. My body shaking ever so slightly with coldness. 

“Penelope you gotta be freezing.” Deacon said, not looking cold in the least bit. 

“Nope, just...uh...muscle spasms.” I didn’t want him to feel pressured to sleep with me in the same bedroll, but my lie was so awful even a super mutant would’ve seen right through it. 

“Really? After all this time with the lying master, you come up with that bullshit?” He laughed as he spoke and I gave up looking in my pack. I went to my bedroll and rolled my eyes at him. 

“Ok ok I know that was bad. But I’m cold so clearly my lies aren’t gonna be that marvelous right now.” My voice shook with my body and I wrapped my arms around my legs, huddling myself. Deacon flashed a cheeky grin at me and unzipped his bedroll, his hand gesturing to the little open space in front of him. 

“Well come on. Get in.” He grinned at me and I hesitated for a moment. I slowly unfolded myself and eyed the space. 

“Are you sure?” He thought for a moment, his eyebrows knitting together before he relaxed. 

“She would be ok with this.” His mouth formed a sad smile and I could feel my insides being pulled and torn. I swallowed and cautiously slipped into the bedroll with him. His warm skin heated my cold suit. I could feel my body slowly stop convulsing and his stiff body began to shape our my petite one. His arms stayed above me, resting his own head on them. His mind focused on Barbara and boundaries. My innards continued to twist with a mixture of guilt and hurt. Guilt for the fact that I couldn’t help that I was cold and he wanted to keep me warm. Guilt for the fact that maybe...maybe Nate wouldn’t like me doing this. Sleeping against the body of someone that wasn’t him. But Nate was gone. Just like Barbara. And that’s where the hurt came in. His mind was stuck on someone who was gone instead of the person who was with him in that moment. As much as I wanted to respect Deacon’s boundaries, I was starting to give up on him. 

“Deac?” 

“Hmm?” My heart was sinking and racing all at once. I needed to be careful with my choice of words or all of this could end in a split second. 

“Did you...ever get some sort of...closure?” I felt him shift behind me so he was lying on his back. I was scared to look at him. 

“I don’t know what you’d consider closure.” He said bluntly. I didn’t want this to come crashing down. 

“I just...it seems like..you’re stuck. Which I understand.” A lump had formed in my throat feeling like it was hard to speak. His body stiffened even more than I thought possible, it was like laying next to a wooden board. 

“Ya know I spent time in the Capital Wasteland? Now there’s a tale for ya.” He was avoiding the topic, but I wasn’t going to be content with these boundaries forever. 

“Deacon please.” My voice pleaded for him to give me something. 

“Capital Wasteland is only another couple days from here. Maybe one day we can check it out again. Oh! I can show you the Underworld.” His tone was aggressive and I knew if I continued it’d be like me poking a rattlesnake. But I pushed some more. My blood starting to boil and I sat up looking into his blue eyes, no longer feeling the need for his body heat. His eyes staring intently into the ceiling. 

“Deacon, I get it. I get where you are and where you’ve been for a long time now. But you can’t live like this. You just can’t.” I said trying not to get too worked up. He grounded his jaw, his expression turning angry. I continued to push. “Deacon I finally went and got my closure while you were gone to Quincy. I took Glory down to the vault and just let everything pour out of me. I talked to Nate. I told him about you. I told him I loved him. And I never felt any more relief in my life than I did when I was done. When I finally acknowledged that he was gone and that my life needed to continue without him.” I wanted to cry, but not about bringing up Nate. But for Deacon. He was angry now. His blood boiling as much as mine. And I knew he was just going to spit in my face with fury. 

“Stop. Just fucking stop.” He grit his teeth and spoke with a scary growl that I had never heard from him before. I wanted to stop this before it got ugly. 

“Deacon look I-” 

“You know I’m really glad it was such a relief for you to move on from your dead husband,” He spit the last two words at me with such rage that I wanted to run. “You went to look at his body and saw only a bullet straight in the head. A bullet you didn’t cause. You didn’t pull the trigger on the gun. You weren’t the fucking reason he got shot in the head!” His voice raising and he began to flail his arms about. I had managed to scoot out of his bedroll and back onto mine, giving him some space. “I’m sure it was real fuckin easy to say goodbye to him. Knowing that this was beyond your fucking control! That you had no part in his death!” Then it clicked. He was holding onto the guilt of Barbara’s death, feeling as though he had basically killed her himself. And as bad as I felt about signing Nate and I’s essential death wish into the vault, I ultimately knew that it wasn’t my fault. “I would love to just say a few things to Barbara’s body, but guess what? I don’t have that option. They slaughtered her. There’s no remains left for me to talk to. And even if I just went back to the place where it happened and talked out loud, it wouldn’t do anything. Because I can never make it up to her. I never fucking will!” He took his head in his hands as he shook with anger. I was so afraid of him. His muscular arms now frightened me that he would use them to rip me apart. I crawled into my bedroll and zipped it up, trapping me inside. 

“I think we should part our ways tomorrow Deacon.” The tone in my voice showed my fear but I didn’t care. Deacon made an incomprehensible noise and I chose to ignore it, forcing myself to sleep for a little while before taking off in the morning. 

***** 

I woke up right at the beginning of sunrise and before Deacon had awoken. I quietly unzipped myself from my little sanctuary and quickly packed up my things. I took one last hard look at Deacon’s sleeping body. His face seemed exhausted and his body seemed tense. He clearly wasn’t getting much sleep that night. His hands clenched into hard fists, seeming like he wanted to punch something or even me. My brow furrowed, he wanted to hit me. I kept repeating the mantra in my head as I went down the stairs of the complex. He wanted to hit me. He wanted to hit me. It was a lot easier leaving him behind thinking he was angry and was going to become mean. 

Goodneighbor wasn’t too far from the apartments and I figured Hancock might be able to give me some jobs to help distract me. I had been there several times before, once with Deacon. It was an interesting place and it had this quaint charm about it that I liked. I would’ve stopped there more if I had the time, it wasn’t far from HQ either. 

I opened the red door to Goodneighbor and saw Hancock chatting up with Daisy. I was a little shocked that he was even up this early, but he probably just hadn’t even gone to bed. Much like Deacon, Hancock never seemed to get enough sleep and I made me worry. I sauntered up behind him and tapped him on the shoulder. Startled, he did a slight jump before turning to look at me. A smile plastered onto his face when he saw my tiny frame standing before him. 

“Would you lookie here, how’s my favorite little vault dweller?” He said taking me under his arm and walking toward the statehouse. I pulled a smile onto my face but my eyes showed the hurt inside me. I tried to look straight ahead. 

“I’m fine, just needing some downtime.” Well that was only a half lie. He pushed opened the doors of the statehouse and we walked together up to his office. 

The fumes of chems hit me in the face really waking me up. He let go of my shoulders and plopped down onto the old couch, picking up a canister of jet. Before he put the inhaler to his mouth he did a double take on my expression. The fake smile slowly fading away and all of a sudden my emotions were bubbling to the surface. He toyed with the jet in his boney fingers, eyeing me. 

“Everything alright doll?” His face concerned and he patted the seat next to him on the couch. I carefully sat down, feeling any slight movement might set me over the edge. I took a deep breath and took the jet out of his hand, inhaling the drug instantly to calm my nerves. He stared at me, a little stunned from taking it, but mostly worried about what was wrong. I let the drug engulf me and time slowed to a dull. The world moved at millimeter a minute and blowing out the excess smoke was almost hypnotizing. My emotions were beginning to dial down and my heart rate was back to beating a normal pace. 

Everything seemed to practically stop, including my brain. Without realizing I was even moving in the first place, my lips had found their way to Hancock’s. My eyes lazily closed and my lips tasted every drug Hancock had ever taken. Orange mentats, jet, med-x. I felt the roughness of his skin where his lips would be, but I enjoyed it. My mouth was connected to his for what felt like a century before time picked back up to normal speed. Hancock instantly pulled away and all the blood rushed to my cheeks. I just fucking kissed Hancock.


	12. Rebound

Hancock had leaned away from me, eyeing me up and down. He knew something was very very wrong here. I put the jet inhaler down on the coffee table in front of me letting out a sigh. I rubbed my temples, racking my brain for any bullshit excuse for what I just did or why I wasn’t acting myself. But everything inside me was a jumbled mess. Do I bring up Deacon? Do I bring up anything? Should I apologize for the kiss? How long did it even last? I let my head slump down between my legs and just shut my eyes. I had no idea what to do. 

“Something ain’t right here sunshine. As much as I’d love to jump on board with the kissin you were doin, I need to know what’s happenin with you.” One of his hands rubbed my back as he spoke. His voice raspy and gentle, unlike Deacon’s last night. I lifted up my body and leaned back against his scarred hand. I swallowed the lump in my throat and took a good look at Hancock. Although his attire should’ve been ridiculous, it wasn’t. In fact, the longer I looked at him the more aroused I started to become. His eyes warm and kind, his mouth in a tight line, his shirt exposed some of his disfigured flesh with a hint of muscle definition. My eyes wandered back up to his and locked. I scooted closer to him and really taking in his looks. He seemed very confused by what I was doing and kept his hands off me. 

“I think I just...need to be shown a good time.” I couldn’t believe the words that had somehow escaped my mouth. I don’t know if after the jet everything seemed to be moving at double time, including my sudden attraction to Hancock, but I wasn’t planning on letting it slow down. He put his hands up to signal to stop. My body slouched with disappointment. 

“Easy now, like I said, I wanna know what’s goin on with you before I take a little tour of your town sunshine.” The way he spoke only made me want to crawl into his lap even more so. But I kept myself under control and decided that maybe telling some of the truth couldn’t hurt. My eyes fluttered to the table flooded with chems. I was going to need a hit of something in order to get the words to flow out of me without breaking down. I settled on some orange mentats and went ahead opening the tin and placing a tablet on my tongue. Hancock had a sweet spot for me after I stabbed Finn before he could cause any trouble, so I knew he wouldn’t mind me raiding his chem stash. I let the tablet dissolve and soothe my soul, making me feel more in control. 

“Deacon and I had unofficially became a thing a few weeks ago. But he’s stuck in this constant mourning over his wife who was murdered a long time ago. I sympathized because well you know about Nate and the vault. I got my closure with him before we got together and I hoped Deacon would’ve done the same, but he didn’t. And so when we became….well whatever it was, there was boundaries. Lots of them. To be honest it seemed like it was still only a friendship because we didn’t kiss besides a couple times. We rarely held hands and we never got any more physical than that. So sex was completely off the table.” The words came out of me like diarrhea and I couldn’t stop. Hancock wanted to know so I was letting him know everything. 

He sat there absorbing my words like a sponge but it was hard to read his expression. He seemed intrigued and also confused. Deacon and him weren’t necessarily friends but they were friendly with one another. Deacon had done some undercover work and stayed in Goodneighbor for awhile so they regularly chatted. I continued on. 

“I got fed up with these lines I wasn’t allowed to cross. I tried to think it was for the best. But I realized that he’s never going to move on from the death of his wife. I was just some distraction. Maybe. I don’t even know. Long story short, I ended whatever we had going last night. I don’t plan on seeing him again, or even going to back to the Railroad. So I came here because you’re Hancock and you can fix everyone’s problems,” I said falling into his chest. I was glad I took the mentats or else I would’ve been a sobbing mess. He gingerly wrapped an arm around me, using the other to take a hit of jet. I snaked my arms around his slim waist and breathed him in. 

“I can’t fix everything doll. You’re clearly frustrated with Deac and also very...sexually frustrated. But I’m not sure I can be your rebound right now.” His voice was so sexy, but the words weren’t what I wanted to hear. I decided to test my luck and pressed my lips to the base of his neck. I felt him shudder beneath me and I took it as a sign to leave a trail of gentle kisses on his neck. 

“But I’m so sexually frustrated, Hancock,” I purred into his ear, nibbling at the lobe a little. He was growing weak and I loved every second of it. He lowered the jet canister onto the table and lightly held onto the edge of it, as if to keep him in reality. 

Before I could place another kiss on his jawline, he carefully pushed me off. I took the hint and saw that my luck had run out. My head thudded against the frame of the couch. Defeat washed over me. For the second time. In two days. 

“Give it a day or two. I wouldn’t want you jumping into bed with me now only to regret it later. A day or so should give you some time to come down from the high you're on right now.” For a minute I thought he meant the high of the jet. 

“What kind of drug did I take that I need a day to come off of?” I said sounding incredibly naive. He chuckled a little, shaking his head. 

“The high of your anger doll. You’re already off your high from the jet and clearly off the mentat.” He flashed his cheshire smile at me and smiled back, slightly embarrassed. I shrank into the couch not wanting to move. My body felt heavy and a wave of exhaustion washed over me. Hancock draped an arm around my shoulders allowing me to rest my head on his chest. “You could probably use a little more rest sunshine.” His voice sounding tired as well and I simply nodded, falling deeper into his chest. My eyelids fluttered closed and I felt relaxed feeling Hancock’s chest slowly rise and fall. Putting me to sleep. 

***** 

I woke up a couple hours later to find my body stretched on Hancock’s couch. Hancock himself was gone and I sat up too quickly, giving myself a headrush. I took a second to let my mind stop spinning and glance around the deserted room. 

“Ah perfect timing,” Hancock’s gravely voice chimed in behind me. I turned my head in his direction and his smile melted my insides. I cocked an eyebrow at him, his lanky body leaning against the doorway. 

“Just get up yourself Hancock?” He let out a soft chuckle, pulling a cigarette out of his coat pocket. 

“Ya, I just got up a few minutes before you, clearly you can’t sleep long without me.” His tone became flirtatious and he winked at me. I could feel myself swoon, he was known to be quite the charmer. 

“And obviously you can’t even go to sleep without me.” I flirted back while slowly pulling myself off the couch. I held my hands behind my back and tiptoed over to him in the doorframe. His eyes surveying my body and a smirk glued onto his handsome face. I stopped until I was only a few inches away from him, my gaze fixated onto his mouth. I bite my bottom lip, a heat growing inside of me. He licked his lips and blinked his mind back to reality. 

“I don’t know why you’re trying so hard to tempt me to have sex with you. Like I said, give it a day or two, then if you still wanna spend a night with this ghoul, you can have me doll.” His smirk still stuck on his face and I relaxed my stance in defeat. I crossed my arms across my chest and shifted my weight onto my right leg. 

“I thought you were always down for a romp in the sack,” I said in a sassy tone. He snorted and uncrossed my arms, bringing me into an unexpected hug. I let out a frustrated sigh and gave into the hug. The heat dissolving from my nether regions. 

“Hey I might get around, but I never wanna take advantage of a girl who isn’t 100% in the right frame of mind to do that.” And I knew he was right. I was using Hancock as some sort of rebound from my split with Deacon. But then again, I was never really with Deacon to begin with. I pulled away from his embrace and looked into his dark eyes. I gave him a weak smile and returned back to the couch. 

“You’re a good guy Hancock,” I said. He took a seat on the couch next to me, taking a quick puff from the cigarette. 

“I try to be.” His mouth twitched at the corners. He took another puff from the cigarette, I watched the smoke escape his mouth and waft into the air. Swirling and floating before disappearing, much like my thing with Deacon.


	13. Relaxing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hold onto your butts, we got some smut up in here.

I took Hancock’s advice and gave myself two days. I rented a room at the hotel again and stayed in my usual room. I caught up on some very needed sleep and drank down at the Third Rail, listening to the lovely voice of Magnolia. I attempted at making casual conversation with Whitechapel Charlie, but he really didn’t want any part of it, so I mostly kept to myself. Silently observing everyone, including Hancock who was sitting between two semi-attractive women. I took a shot of some hard whiskey as I watched them giggle and flirt, a strange feeling of jealousy bloomed in the pit of my stomach. My own head began to hurt and I took another shot of the liquor before taking off to go back to bed. Walking past Hancock and the two broads, hearing them whisper dirty things to one another. 

The third day came around and I woke up with a migraine. I was such a lightweight when it came to drinking and those few beers paired with the whiskey shots just about killed me. I dragged my body out of the bed and chugged down a cartoon of dirty water. I went to the bathroom, sprucing myself up trying to look a little decent. I put on a less dirty tank top and my leather pants and brushed the knots in my hair with my fingers. I looked a little less hungover now and felt suitable to make a visit to the statehouse. 

I greeted the neighborhood watch and they tipped their hats to me in return as I made my way up the spiral staircase, hoping not intrude on him with the ladies from the night before. The doors were wide open, indicating that it was safe from me to come in. Hancock sat on the couch, no shirt underneath his red coat, popping a mentat into his mouth. I tapped on the door, making him aware that I was there. He smiled and gestured for me to come in. 

“Bullseyes, how’s it hangin doll?” The jealous looming in my stomach from the night before I examined his bare chest. I sat down next to him considering taking a mentat myself, but decided against it not wanting to make my migraine worse. 

“It’s going.” I said watching him toy with the tablet as it dissolved on his tongue. His eyes lazily staring at the wall in front of him. I assumed he was tired after his little adventure last night. “Tired Hancock?” His cheshire grin crept across his face and he slowly turned toward me. 

“Participating in uh...ménage à trois can be a bit exhausting,” He winked at me. His voice sounded so sexy and the blood in my body ran cold as he spoke. I nervously laughed and reconsidered taking a mentat. His hand stopped me before I could reach the tin to grab one. His rough fingers grazing my smooth skin and a rush of arousal coursed through me. “Now I may just be assuming things here, but I have a feelin’ you still want uh...to have a little fun here.” His hand gently pulling my arm, scooting my body closer to his. His hot breath warmed my neck and I thought I was about to lose it. His eyes gleaming with lust and the heat was building up inside of me so much that I needed it. I needed him. No thoughts of Deacon, or Nate, or even the damn Commonwealth crossed my mind. The only thing circling my head was Hancock and how bad I needed physical touch with someone. 

Hancock’s lips brushed against the nape of my neck as he began to leave sweet, little kisses on me. My brain kept me in line preventing me from ripping down his pants and pouncing on him. My hands trailed up his maimed chest and I could feel his heart beating at a rapid pace that matched my own. I carefully clawed at his chest while his sweet kisses started to become bite marks. Our bodies getting increasingly hotter. His teeth nipping at my sensitive flesh and my hands climbed up to his neck, pulling him down to dive deeper into my skin, knocking his hat off in the process. 

He pulled away and cupped the back of my head, pulling me into a passionate kiss. His lips crushing mine and a current of electricity pulsed between us. It was hot and new and different than when I kissed Deacon. Our mouths aggressively tasting the others, our tongues tangling together in a fiery dance. The kisses were starting to become sloppy but neither of us cared. Our saliva smeared onto the face of the other and we just couldn’t get enough. The heat that burned my insides was now dampening my leather pants and Hancock’s hand hovered over the area. 

He pulled my thigh so I was now straddling him, his mouth staying connected to mine. His left hand rested on the top of my backside, just below my tailbone and his right hand cautiously moved up my thigh to the heat radiating from below me. His fingers gingerly graced the fabric of my pants and I made a slight gasp into his mouth. I could feel the corners of his lips turn upward and his fingers crawled up to the button of my pants. He pulled his face away from mine, making sure it was ok, and believe me it was plenty ok. His dark, sinful eyes locked with my hazy lustful ones as he popped open the button and slowly pulled down the zipper of my pants. 

His fingers slipped their way down my pants and past my panties, gently touching the nub that was slightly swollen. I groaned and threw my face into his neck, biting at his raw skin while his skinny fingers drew circles with it. I tried to muffle my moans as much as I could, leaving marks into his already damaged skin. I hadn’t been touched like this in over two centuries and I could feel the rush already wanting to come out of me. My hands quickly moved their way to his pants and I fumbled taking off the flag scarf from the belt loops of his pants. I refused to come undone by just him teasing me, I wanted action and I wanted it now. 

He got the hint and lifted me off so we could both remove our pants, allowing for full access. I took a moment to take in his length, which was bigger than I had anticipated. I could understand why women raved about being in bed with him, just from his size alone. He pulled my by my hips back down into his lap, his erection rubbing against my nub and I winced in pleasure. I grabbed the collar of his coat, which besides his hat and boots, was the only clothing he had on and pulled his chest so it was pressed up against mine. I lowered myself down onto him, feeling his length against my wetness, and I couldn’t contain the volume of my moan. He let out a groan of his own and guided my hips up and down. 

Both of us were starting to sweat. Everything felt so good it was almost overwhelming. Hancock’s skin was ridged down there as well and it made for some new pleasure I had never experienced before. He knew exactly how to guide me for us both to have the maximum bliss we desired. Our skin grinding and thrusting against one another, our lips crashing together and then down each other’s jaw and neck. Our hands gripping the other one as if the world was going to end if we didn’t. Having sex with Hancock was something I never knew I needed before until now. 

We continued as this wonderful pace for god knows how long. Every knot in my muscles coming undone with each pump, every stress and heartache I had shared in the Commonwealth no longer mattered in this moment. Nate didn’t exist, Deacon didn’t exist, the hell of the outside world just did not exist. The only thing keeping me grounding in reality was the flood that released from me after Hancock did one last hard thrust, bursting inside of me. Hancock and I let out a unanimous moan of pure satisfaction before stepping down from cloud nine. His grip loosened on my hips and I dig my fingers out of his chest. Both of us with a dazed look on our face as we rode out our orgasm. Our combined liquids dripping out of me and onto him, but we stayed connected like this for a few more minutes. 

I unwillingly lifted myself off of him and the liquid began to stream down my legs, Hancock smiled a more relaxed smile and retied his scarf around his pants. I stood there awkwardly while everything dripped out of me, Hancock quickly got a rag for me to clean myself up with and I gave him a gracious smile. He went back to find his ruffled shirt and temporarily took off his coat to put on the shirt. Once I was...emptied I began to redress myself, picking up my scattered clothes off the floor. Hancock chuckled as he watched me get dress, I suddenly became self conscious about how nude the bottom half of me was. 

“I gotta say Bullseye, I’ve never had quite that much spark of passion while showing a lady a good time.” He sounded honest. I was completely covered again, but I still felt somewhat vulnerable still. I tried to think of all my times with Nate, but none of them were like what just happened with Hancock. Maybe it was the threat of the world literally ending while we melded into one, or maybe it was just Hancock’s experience, but something was different...and I really enjoyed it. 

“Penelope.” He cocked a brow bone at me and I let out a small giggle. “My name is Penelope.” He sauntered over to me, took my hand and bowed, placing a sweet kiss on it. He straightened up and peered into my eyes. 

“Well it’s good to meet ya, Penelope.” When he spoke my name, my stomach did a familiar flip flop. The same one it did when Deacon said it.


	14. Unofficially Official

For almost two weeks, Deacon didn’t even cross my mind. I was too busy wondering about Hancock, what he was doing, if he was developing feelings for me, if I was developing some for him. Unlike my feelings for Deacon, which was deep and...well complicated, the ones I was developing for Hancock were pretty simple. Like a little girl who has a crush on the bad boy in school. I had imagined me sitting back in high school, doodling Hancock’s name all over my notebook. The thought made me chuckle while also feeling a twinge of embarrassment. 

Several days in a row, I followed Hancock around Goodneighbor like a puppy. I felt a little stupid, but he didn’t seem to mind. In fact all of those days ended with us tossing our clothes to the side and getting frisky. And the next day we woke up and did the routine again. 

But after a few days I began to feel a like I was growing annoying. Hancock never treated me any different and actually he seemed like he was enjoying my company. Nonetheless, a faint feeling of not being wanted loomed in my chest, so on the fifth day I decided to stay in my room at the hotel. I laid on the bed and played with some of the holotape games I had collected during my time in the Commonwealth. Pipfall was my favorite, although I was never really good at it. I left my room sometime in the afternoon to get some food at the Third Rail and then headed back up for more game time. I sipped on some water in between lives and took the occasional bite from my left over tato. I forgot how enveloped I could become when I played games. 

It was getting dark outside and I was actually getting tired from staring at the screen too long, when a knock came from my door. I snapped back into reality and reluctantly turned off my pipboy to answer the door. To my surprise, Hancock stood on the other side. His eyes seemed a little sad and he threw his cigarette stub to the ground, stepping on it as he came into my room. He walked over to my bed and sat down, his head hanging down slightly. He seemed nervous. 

“Did I uh...do somethin’?” He asked fidgeting with his feet. His question took me off guard and I blinked a few times. My reaction was slow and he popped his head up to look at me for answers. I looked down at him a little confused 

“No?” It came out as a question, due to the fact that I was entirely sure where he was going with this. 

“I mean you didn’t stay last night and then I didn’t see you today and…” I couldn’t even let him finish before I started laughing. His sad eyes glancing at me with puzzlement. I sat down next to him on the bed still laughing. 

“Wait you thought I didn’t want to like hang around you? Haha I thought I was annoying you by basically never leaving your side.” I got control of my laughter and Hancock’s mouth twitched as he let out a snort. His eyes gleamed with relief. “Besides couldn’t you just use your Hancock charm and find another little companion to follow you around?” My tone came off playful, but my question was entirely serious. He shook his head and cracked his bony back. 

“Nah, wouldn’t find anyone better than you.” My eyes quickly flickered to look deep into his. My heart started to pump at double speed and a new feeling arose in the air. My throat became dry and anything I wanted to say to him before now left my mind. I racked my brain for something...anything to say. This really was like a high school crush. 

“Um...Hancock?” It was happening, for the second time since I emerged from my almost tomb, I was going to the address the feelings topic. 

“Yea?” His voice almost cracked with that one word. I mustered up all my courage. This was different than Deacon. This time, the boundaries were already long gone. This time we could be really together. 

“Do you...like me? Ya know like...liiiike like me?” How old was I again? Because I certainly sounded like a little 13 year old girl, but I couldn’t help it. My brain had turned to mush and it was the only thing I could think to say that would get my point across. He let out a soft chuckle and grabbed my hand. I didn’t realize my body had tensed up until it was relaxed by his touch. 

“Darlin’ I’ve held a torch for you the moment I saw you spill Finn’s guts onto the pavement,” A huge smile spread across my face and I instantly threw my arms around his neck. He smiled back and embraced me. I shoved my face into the crook between his neck and shoulder, my smile wasn’t fading. “Heh I take it you like this ugly mug of mine?” I pulled myself away and threw him a fake evil glare. 

“Hancock you’re not ugly, not even in the slightest. I mean you could have literally anyone you wanted.” He shrugged at my response and I rolled my eyes. I gave him a small peak on the lips, cementing our new unofficial, but official, relationship. 

***** 

Things between me and Hancock were much different that things were with Deacon. For starters, it actually felt like I was an item with him. Hancock proudly held my hand or waist as we strolled around Goodneighbor. He left affectionate kisses on my cheek and wasn’t afraid to show that we were together. It was a nice change of pace after how it was before. 

On our third day of being a couple, we decided to eat dinner at the Third Rail, rather than his office in the statehouse. Hancock wore his usual attire and I tried my best to look pretty for our date, but even with all my time spent in the Commonwealth, I had only collected a series of tank tops and leather pants. I felt like a dirty bum compared to him, but he beamed at me nonetheless. His hand held mine tightly as we made our way to the bar and I could feel all the women’s, and a couple men’s, eyes on us, specifically our locked hands. 

When we sat down at the bar, Charlie took our drink orders and placed two beers in front of us. I nervously sipped mine, playing with a strand of my hair. The eyes zeroing in on us were starting to make me a little uncomfortable and Hancock seemed blissfully unaware of it all. He swigged the beer, one hand on the top of my thigh, while making conversation with the drifter next to him. Two women were really particularly throwing daggers in my direction and I leaned onto Hancock’s shoulder, getting his full attention. 

“Somethin’ wrong love?” He asked putting down the bottle and using his other hand to move the curtain of hair from my face. I grabbed his arm and held it for comfort from the evil stares slicing through me. 

“I don’t think the ladies here like me very much.” I said quietly. Hancock stroked my hair softly. 

“What ladies? Why don’t they like you?” His tone beginning to turn defensive, as if preparing for a fight. I pushed myself off his shoulder and leaned in against the counter, he did the same. 

“The ladies behind you, I think they’re upset that you like me.” I shifted my eyes in their direction and Hancock discreetly looked their way. They noticed his head rotate toward them and their dirty looks faded away as they batted their eyes at him. He snorted and waved them off, turning his attention back toward me. 

“Ya I’m not surprised. Seems like a lotta women are jealous of ya doll. I mean you are dating the sexy, king of the zombies here.” He said smiling at me, his eyes showing the sarcasm in his words. I smiled back and blinked my eyes in the other direction. Butterflies fluttering about in my stomach. Hancock certainly knew how to make a girl swoon. 

Magnolia’s voice purred into the microphone, her set was about to start. Hancock briefly looked toward the beautiful singer and then back toward me. He flashed me a grin and held his hand for me to take. I knew he wanted me to dance with him, but I never quite had rhythm. I might as well have two left feet. I bite my lip and gingerly ran my fingers across his hand before intertwining them with his. As we stood up together I swallowed and took a second before we moved to the middle of the floor. 

“I must warn you, I’m not a talented dancer. I’m not even an okay dancer,” I said timidly. His grin stayed put on his face and pulled my head toward him. His lips lingering by my ear and his breath sent chills down my spine. 

“Don’t worry love, just stand on my feet and follow my lead.” His placed a small kiss on my cheek and dragged me to the floor. Magnolia’s canary voice singing the tune of ‘I’m the One’. I placed my dainty feet onto his clunky boots as he wrapped his arms around my waist, my own arms interlocking behind his neck. We slowly swayed to the song and I rested my head on his chest, right above his heart. At first his heart raced, but the longer we swayed the more slowly it began to beat. We stayed glued to each other for what felt like infinity and to be honest I would’ve been ok we did stay like that forever. But eventually Magnolia’s songs ended and the bar was starting to clear out seeing as it was almost 2am. 

We walked hand in hand back to the statehouse and up to his room. Instead of diving right into having some raunchy sex, we took things slow. His mouth gently grazing against mine, not even kissing me for a good minute our so. Our breathing was shallow, but hot. His hand cupped my cheek and my eyes longing looked as his lips, wanting them on mine. He took the hint and as gently as possible he placed his lips onto mine, an overwhelming feeling of desire took over my body. Hancock smiled as I attempted to deepened the kiss, but he slowed me down. 

And that’s how we spent the whole night. In slow building, passionate intimacy. When my body reacted trying to rush things along, he brought me back down to a calm arousal. My skin raised with goosebumps almost the whole night as he leisurely pleasured me. Both of us glistening with a layer of sweat by the time we united as one. My eyes rolled into the back of my head in satisfaction as we indulged in the sinful act. The sun was glimmering through the dusty blinds when we both had peaked for the final time. Our bodies limp and exhausted and we fell asleep naked tangled together. 

When we woke up many hours later, the sun was already starting to set. My head still stuck in a cloud of bliss from the night before and I had looked at Hancock in a way I never had before. My innocent crush on him had deepened into a real life partner potential. My eyes taking in all of his disfigured flesh as he got dressed and I thought my heart might just explode. Things moved fast in the Commonwealth and feelings were no exception. My mind began reeling in all the scenarios about a future with Hancock. But then another thought wandered into my brain and burst my fantasy. Two weeks. I went to whole weeks. But now Deacon had once again crossed my mind.


	15. Another End

It was so perfect. Hancock treated me like I was the best thing in this world and I couldn’t ask for anyone better. But something inside my gut told me this wasn’t who was I meant to be with. I pushed the feeling down, trying to allow myself be happy with him. 

“Penelope?” Hancock’s voice grounded me down to reality. I was laying in his arms preparing to go to sleep after a long night of intimacy. Both of us only put our underwear back on, allowing us to cool of. His ridged skin felt weird but nice against my smooth skin. My eyelids lazily half open, staring at nothing. 

“Yes?” I replied groggily. 

“You’re the first relationship that I actually enjoy.” His remark caused my brain to wake up a little more out of curiosity. I lended up onto my elbow and stared at his face, his eyes were closed but he was awake. 

“What do you mean? You didn’t like your other girlfriends?” It was strange saying the words girlfriends out loud, we had never called each other that and although I wasn’t talking about myself, we both knew that is what I was. 

“Not exactly. I’ve had a couple girlfriends before you and they all started out as...well a booty call. But they all thought a booty call meant a relationship and I didn’t exactly wanna hurt their feelings, so I went along, figured why not? But after a few days I was over it, I wanted out. But I didn’t know how to get out without hurting somebody’s feelings. Turns out I ended being a shitty boyfriend, so I never had to be the one to end it. Anyways, it’s not like that with you. I actually enjoy spending time with you and of course the looks are just a bonus to that personality you got, doll.” I couldn’t help but give him a big smooch after he said all that. He slyly opened his eyes and my heart wouldn’t stop pitter pattering in my chest. “Now what was that for, love?” He said in a smug little tone. 

“I just couldn’t ask for a better boyfriend than you.” I said letting myself go limp from exhaustion on his chest. The words, as true as they were, felt strange coming from my mouth. I was a grown woman, who’s over 200 years old, and I was calling this ghoul my boyfriend. My. Boyfriend. The words repeating over and over in my head and I really didn’t like the sound of it. Maybe it was because the person in the position was Hancock or maybe it was just the childish sounding phrase itself, but even so I almost wish I hadn’t said it. 

I let myself drift into an uncomfortable sleep. My thoughts centered around Hancock, the steady dance my heart did every time he spoke to me. His gruff voice creating tingles under my skin in a way that made me want to listen to him talk forever. And I swear he could make me climax when he purred in my ear as our bodies pulsated against each other. There wasn’t one damn thing about him that wasn’t sexy. No wonder everyone wanted him. 

Besides the fact that he could turn me on doing literally whatever at any given moment, he was one of the most benevolent people to have ever existed. He was more humane than most actual humans were and I felt so proud that he even wanted me. Being with him was something I would always treasure. 

The innocent, tender images of Hancock that floated through my head, got progressively more vulgar. I could practically feel his slick tongue tracing down my neck and onto my sweet spot. Gently sucking on my ticklish skin. His gravelly voice cooing me into a state of bliss and draped my arms around his neck. I lazily shut my eyes, taking in the supple feeling his tongue gave to me. One of his calloused hands sliding underneath my tank top and across my abdomen. 

Wait. 

Calloused hands? My eyes quickly opened and took in the figure shadowing over me. A bald man with a slightly chiseled chest was leeched onto my body. I cowered back allowing their head to pop up and face mine. Striking blue eyes and light, ginger eyebrows stared before me. I let out a small gasp and he flashed one of his classic grins at me. My eyes filled with a mix of horror and hurt. His face remained unchanged. 

“Come on boss, ya know you want this.” His voice ringing in my ears and flinched backwards some more. 

“You couldn’t. You didn’t want to.” I fearfully croaked out. He crawled closer to me, his arms barricading my body, pinning me between him and the wall. 

“We both know I wanted to.” He whispered as he nibbled on my ear. Everything rushing inside of me. Heat, arousal, fear, confusion. I needed space away from him. He wasn’t Hancock, I needed Hancock. 

“Deacon please.” 

The two words jolted me awake. I panted out of breath and was glistening with a layer of sweat. My hand tightly clenched on Hancock’s arm. My vision finally processed that I was no longer dreaming, that I was no longer pinned underneath Deacon. The sun peeked into the room and I noticed Hancock leaning on his elbow twiddling with my hair. Hurt reflected in his eyes and I knew I had said Deacon’s name in my sleep. 

“Hancock, the dream I just had was so sca-” Hancock cut me off before I finish the word scary. 

“Go find him, sunshine.” I snapped up and he tried to give me a weak smile, still fidgeting with my hair. I wiped some sweat off my head with the back of my free hand. I was still desperately clinging to him with the other. 

“It wasn’t that kind of dream,” I said trying to fix any damage I could’ve caused. He shook his head, the smile getting a little bigger. He dropped the piece of my hair and let that hand crawl across my stomach, my body relaxing at his familiar touch. 

“I know. But something is telling me that you need to go find him.” I turned my body so I was facing him, my eyes beginning to water. A sinking feeling developed inside of me, knowing this was the end of us. His scarred hand caressed my face and set my tears over the edge. 

“I want to fall in love with you so bad Hancock,” I choked. I really did. I wanted to have my happy ending with him. My stomach did somersaults inside of me and I thought I was going to implode. He let out a heavy sigh. 

“I know that too. But you can’t fall in love with one person, while another is still hangin’ over your head.” His words hit my core and I just wanted to wrap myself all around him, never moving. I wanted to live my life with him. I really did, so fucking bad. The tears were overflowing and my vision started to blur against my will. Hancock pulled me into his chest, stroking my hair as I cried. 

“I don’t deserve someone as wonderful as you John.” I never had said his first name before for fear of making things too deep. But now was the time to really get deep and it felt right saying it. His kissed the crown of my head and continued to calm me. 

“Penelope, you deserve the goddamn world.” Everything inside me told me to love him. Fuck Deacon. Fuck everything about him. Just do whatever I can to make Hancock the happiest person. But I couldn’t. Something was eating me up from the inside out and I knew staying here with Hancock could cause things to deteriorate between us, which was the very last thing I wanted. I managed to get somewhat of a handle on my sobbing and pryed my face away from his chest to look at his face. 

“John, you’re my favorite person on this entire planet,” I said honestly. His dark eyes gleamed with love and his expression looked joyous, bringing some happiness into my soul. 

“I’ll always be here my love. If things don’t work out with Deacon, you know where to find me.” And for the last time, our lips tenderly pressed against one another in a kiss of pure love. A love I desperately wanted to give him.


	16. Searching for Deacon

Hancock loaded me up with the best gear and weapons he had available, even giving me his combat knife to remember him by. We walked lightly holding each other's hands to the red door that separate Goodneighbor from the Commonwealth. With a sad sigh we unthreaded our fingers and faced one another for what would be the last time for awhile. His eyes bleed with sadness and I could feel my heart crying out for him. My mind still coming up with excuses to stay with him. 

“Well doll, I hope everything works out for you one way or another.” He said gesturing to himself. A tiny giggle slipped from my mouth and I gave him a sweet kiss on his ghoul cheek. 

“I’ll see you again...soon.” My voice quivering with the words I just spoke, but I was going to keep that damn promise. He caressed my cheek and the warmth from his hand brought a spark of hope inside me. 

“I’ll be counting the days.” And with that I turned and forced the red door open to what felt like my impending doom. 

***** 

Goodneighbor had certainly spoiled me. I didn’t have to fight my way through super mutants or raiders. Food and medical supplies (not that I needed any) were available just across the street. The quaint, little town had brought such a positive vibe to the blown up world that I had forgotten how cold and depressing the Commonwealth was. I had also forgotten how tiresome it was traveling all alone. In fact traveling alone now, was worse than when I had first left the vault. Back then, I had no idea what was happening, everything was so new and I still thought that the world couldn’t be that scary. But after traveling for almost a year now, I had learned how unforgiving this place was. I was no longer naive to the world around me. 

The worst part about being entirely on my own was the sleeping. I really don’t even know if you could call my far and few between cat naps, sleep, but it would have to do. I had no one else to watch guard while I caught up on some zzz’s. Eventually, I was going to need to find a settlement to crash at and recharge, but I’d cross that bridge when I got there. 

I wandered around aimlessly for about a week now. I had no idea where I was going and at this point I was getting ready to turn back around to Goodneighbor. I had circled HQ several times, scared to face Desdemona and Deacon, if he was there. I had passed Diamond City and considered getting Nick to help track down Deacon, but then I’d have to explain my whole feelings situation and the people at Diamond City just generally suck anyways. Sanctuary was too far up north for my taste and it brought back a lot of bittersweet memories there with Deacon. So I just wandered, hoping to just sort of...run into him. 

But then what? What if I did actually run into him? What the hell would I say? ‘Oh hell Deacon I know it’s been like several months since we had our spat and during that time I dated Mayor Hancock but couldn’t fall in love with him because you sat in the back of my brain fucking it all up.’ Actually I probably could say that, but he’d never buy it, which then defeated the whole purpose to begin with. Deacon probably didn’t even want to see me either. I had never seen any genuinely piss him off to the where he snapped like I did. And if he didn’t want to see me, boom back to square one. I needed to at least talk to him about….well feelings. I don’t even fucking know anymore. 

I had come across a little shack by the fallen highway and took a pit stop there. I set down my pack and laid down on the rotten mattress below me. The sleep deprivation finally causing me to crash hard. I laid there with my body sprawled out and the knife by my pillow, but I don’t think I’d have the energy to do anything if I were to get attacked. My eyes glazed over, completely zoning out and getting ready to pass out. My body going limp and numb from being overworked for way too long. Everything about me just feeling beyond heavy. 

I wanted Hancock here. His lanky arms wrapping tight around me. I missed feeling his coarse skin against mine. The faint smell of a mixture of chems and sweat loomed around him, bringing me a sense of comfort that I desperately missed. But now I laid on the cold, filthy mattress of a deserted shack all alone, trying to find someone that I secretly missed. My mind soon slipped into a peaceful coma and I finally got the sleep I greatly needed. My dreams morphed into a fit of nightmares, making my rest not the greatest. 

But sleep was sleep out here and I felt a little more energized when I woke up. The sun rising up across the horizon and filled the sky with an orange tint. The cracks in the wood paneling letting the light seep in and telling me that another day was set to begin. The achiness from my traveling really set in during my slumber and every slight move I could feel how sore my muscles were. Groaning during the process, I dragged myself off the mattress and grabbed my pack, shotgun in my hand and I stepped outside. The land before me ablaze from the sun and I squinted trying to see my surroundings. Nothing but a few mongrel dogs roaming down the hill below me. Easy, I thought to myself. As I carefully snuck down the hill trying not to draw their attention my mind flashed back to when Deacon and I had encountered the pack of mongrels. The ones that had sliced his chest and forced me to give him a shitty stitch job. The ones that allowed me to touch him and feel his muscles tense up beneath my bloody fingers. 

Before I could return to reality one of the dogs snatched my leg into it’s mouth and clamped down onto my calf with its vicious teeth, dragging me down to the ground. A panicked scream escaped me as I fumbled with my gun which I had dropped in the sudden movement. The dog’s teeth tearing apart my flesh and muscle, chomping its way down to my bone. The other mongrel charging toward me getting ready to rip the flesh off my face. Snarls and bloodcurdling screams filled the air as I tried to fight off the one dog before the other made its attack on me. 

Just as I was about to accept my fate, several gunshots fired in my direction, at first I thought it was some raiders just adding to my lovely predicament, but the bullets hit the dogs instead. The dog getting ready to pounce on me stopped dead and flew a feet few away, the dog snacking on my leg fell still, it’s canine teeth still buried inside my left leg. Squinting again I looked up toward the top of the hill to see a figure wrapped head to toe in scavenger grab. A rifle in his hand and sunglasses covering his eyes, he rose up from his knees that he was leaning on for support. He jogged down to my direction and I could feel my head loll to the side a little. The blood pouring out of my leg like a faucet began to slowly drain the life out of me. The pain was excruciating but I didn’t have the power to scream or cry. My eyes barely able to take in the mangled sight of my leg. The flesh torn to shreds and the muscles chewed through like it was a tender steak. The bone peaked through in some places and all of a sudden a rush of nausea hit my stomach. Vomit slowly bubbled up my throat and spewed out of my mouth onto my chest and the ground. Everything was spinning now and I had never felt more dizzy before. My vision blurring in and out, allowing me to see the man rush to my side and detach the dog from my leg. My body was going into sensory overload and I could tell if I was passing out or dying. I was barely in touch with reality as the man worked to tie my maul leg with a tourniquet from his scarf. Pain and numbness washing over me at the same time and then it was all black.


	17. Lee

I woke up back on the rotten mattress inside the disheveled shack. My eyes flickering around in confusion. Were the dogs a dream? Was the man a dream? But the pain that ran from my leg to the rest of me confirmed that the attack was definitely real, but didn’t answer whether the man was. I looked down at my leg which was completely mauled and probably useless for a while. Staples and stitches held together the many torn pieces of skin and it was absolutely disgusting to look at. More vomit bubbled inside me but I held it down this time. Speaking of which, I looked at my shirt expecting to see the protein spill, but I was wearing completely different clothes. A way too big white t-shirt and some...boxers? My hair was also damp from being washed I presumed. So the man was real and did rescue me and then continued to look after me. I laid there as puzzled as could be and became aware of the presence that lingered just outside the shack. He was still here. 

With a failed attempt, I pushed up onto my elbows and groaned in pain. A movement shifted along the wooden planks and arose. The man delicately walked in, still completely covered, but no sunglasses. Had I imagined them? I narrowed my eyes looking at his, they were a chocolate brown and I could see a certain charm in them. My breathing had increased and my nerves suddenly took over. This wasn’t Deacon or Hancock. So why the hell would they risk their neck to save me? I swallowed loudly and didn’t break eye contact with them as I spoke. 

“Who are you?” I asked sounding quite brave. His eyes quickly examined my injury before glancing back to mine. 

“Lee.” His voice as gentle as his eyes and my chest relaxed a little. My heart continued to pound as hard as ever. He walked over to the small table and opened a medical box, pulling out a stimpak. His rifle slung across his back over all the layers he wore. He returned back to me and crouched down my leg and stuck me with the stimpack. I let out a pained gasp as he injected me with the fluid. “Sorry. You need it though.” He stood up and disposed of the empty needle. My body tense with the torture my leg caused me. I tried breathing in and out of my nose, trying to get a control of myself, trying not to just scream. My gaze focused back on him as he was about to scamper back outside. 

“Hey wait!” I called out to him, he stopped in his tracks. His head glancing back and forth between me and outside, before he settled on coming back in. 

“Yes?” He asked cautiously. My brows furrowed together as I tried to think of how to tackle this conversation. His eyes showed that he was nervous and maybe a little afraid of me. I realized how scrunched my face had become and it was clear he thought I was angry. I tried to relax it a little, also failing. 

“Why did you save me?” If I was going to be stuck with this Lee guy, and I had a feeling I was, then I wanted to know where his motives lie. If he was just going to end up raping, robbing, or slaughtering me in the end I was going to beat him to the punch. But if he was somewhat of a decent person, then maybe he could help me find Deacon. 

He leaned against the wall and his eyes looked upwards as if searching for answers from god or something. He wasn’t exactly tall, maybe a few inches taller than I was so he was probably around 5’ 5” or 5’ 6”. He was toned though, much like everyone else out here, but his muscles were similar to Deacon’s from what I could see. His face and clothes were covered in dirt and I wasn’t sure if that was by choice or just days out here alone. A few pieces of dark red hair poked out from underneath his cover. I really wanted him to ditch the whole face covering thing, but I understood why he did it. 

“You needed help.” He finally answered as he shrugged his shoulders. I tilted my head at him seeming unhappy with his answer. He shrugged again. 

“In this world most people wouldn’t help someone who they didn’t know. Most people don’t even help the ones they do know.” I retorted sternly. He racked his brain again for an answer. 

“Well I’m not like most people. You were in a dire situation so I intervened.” He was going to be a tough shell to crack, but I had some time to do so. I shifted my attention to my throbbing leg before me. It was so disgusting and it probably would never heal right. I felt a little sad knowing the next time I’d see Hancock, my leg would look horribly maimed from the scars. 

“So do you plan on staying with me for the next several days? Because right now I’m completely immobile.” I said bluntly. 

“Yes.” He said not missing a beat. This guy had to have a motive for saving me. He was so quick to respond that he couldn’t be that good of a person without having some sort of agenda. Even Hancock, who was my favorite person, had agendas for the people he helped. Whether in return for drugs or business, it was never a one way street. Except maybe when it came to me. But Lee didn’t know me, he certainly didn’t have feelings for me. I don’t think he’d really do all this just to have sex with me, so I was stumped for now. 

“Well Lee, looks like we’ll be getting to know each other quite a bit.” I said trying to lighten up my tone. I wanted to at least converse with this guy out of sheer boredom and I was going to be doing that by looking like a mean bitch. But to my defense my leg had almost been ripped right off of me so I was in a lot of pain. He nodded his head and peered again outside, checking to make sure no threats were present. I rolled my eyes, this wasn’t going to an easy journey with him. 

“So Lee why are you out here all alone?” I asked, hoping to reveal some motive. He turned to look back at me and his eyes dropped to the floor. Not necessarily in a sad way, but more in a thoughtful way. 

“I’m looking for some extra supplies to bring back to my settlement.” A lightbulb pinged in my head and my eyes sparkled. So maybe he was with the minutemen. And even if he wasn’t he was from the farm life, so I don’t think I’ll have to worry about one of the three bad endings ensuing with this one. His eyes wandered back up to meet mine and I could see his nerves stiffen him up. 

“Are you afraid of me or something?” Once again I was blunt, I felt a little powerful around this poor guy. His timidness only boosting my confidence, even though he could easily take me down right now. I heard him swallow and little beads of sweat formed onto his forehead. 

“You just seem really intense, with your weapons and your whole angry demeanor.” He gave off another shrug and pulled a pack of cigarettes from his pocket, offering me one. I took one and propped myself onto my elbows, allowing me to sit as I puffed on the cancer stick. He pulled down his scarf enough to smoke and I could see the stubble around his mouth. He looked young. 

“How old are you Lee?” I said becoming more soothed by the nicotine. 

“21.” He gestured his head toward me returning to the question. 

“Technically 242, but I still consider myself 32.” His eyes grew wide in wonder and his cigarette nearly dropped out of his mouth when his jaw dropped. He caught it quickly and immediately took a long drag. I breathed out some smoke through my nose and chuckled. “I was frozen down in vault 111 for about 210 years. I woke up almost a year ago. But that’s enough me for now.” I said not wanting to give too much information right away. He still didn’t know my name and I wasn’t planning on telling him any time soon. His face still in shock, trying to figure me out no doubt. His eyes shifting down around the ground and he rubbed his neck, holding onto the cigarette. 

“We heard you were staying down in Goodneighbor.” He finally piped up. My heart ached with an absence that wanted to be filled by Hancock. I quickly looked down and extinguished my cigarette onto the floor. I took a moment to think about how to address the sensitive subject. 

“I was but I need to find someone.” I said softly. His eyes gleamed over to me. Another quick puff from his cigarette. 

“Who?” He asked. I huffed and laid back down, giving my arms a break. I stared at the cracks in the wood, trying to push down my feelings as much as I could. The air become stiff and uncomfortable and I was willing to suffocate on the silence. My throat as dry as can be and I wasn’t even sure I could choke out his name. I heard Lee shift off to the side and I thought he walked out the door. I turned expecting to see an empty doorway, but Lee had just put his rifle down against the wall, taking a seat next to it. “You don’t have to tell me.” Thank god. 

“Where’s your settlement anyways?” I asked clearing my throat. 

“It’s not too far up north from here. Tenpines Bluff.”


	18. Tenpines Bluff

At some point after our awkward conversation I had fallen asleep. The pain overwhelming me and my body didn’t feel like dealing with it. Lee went back outside on patrol. 

Several days passed and we didn’t really speak much to each other. He’d come in and give me a stimpak and med-x, then back out to patrolling. My leg was slowly, but surely healing and I was able to start putting a little weight back onto it. I really wanted to get back to searching for Deacon, but I knew I wasn’t going to be able to head off on my own for awhile. 

After 6 days of being prisoner in the shack, I was ready to just go anywhere else. Lee kept to his duties, every now and then letting me know he was wandering off a little ways to find some scraps to work with. I was leaning up against the doorframe, shotgun in tow, watching as Lee sauntered back to the shack. He clearly found something good since his eyes sparkled with a joy only a good looting could bring. His eyes immediately shot up to me when he approached the shack. He did a quick scan of the area and found no threat near by. His forehead scrunched in confusion and he pulled the scarf down from his mouth. 

“What are you doing up?” He asked. I limped over toward him, trying to show that I was capable of moving. 

“Let’s go to your settlement.” I said, his arm wrapped around my waist helping me from falling over. He nodded his head, not even arguing, and grabbing my pack, putting my arms through the straps. 

“It’s not too far. But let me know if you want to stop and take a break.” His arm held tight to my waist as we left behind the shelter I had grown a little fond of. It felt strange having Lee touch me. Obviously it wasn’t in a romantic sense, but it was still odd to have smooth hand gripping my hip rather than a ghoulish one. 

The air outside felt good on my body, but my leg felt like it was weighing me down. I could only put so much pressure on it before I’d collapse, but it was relieving knowing that I could move and I was no longer trapped on the ground. I was starting to get really antsy back there. 

We walked for about two hours and I was getting ready to ask for a break because my leg was starting to give out on me. But before I could ask Lee for some rest, we came up upon the little settlement. A wooden guard tower stood before some fencing that secured the rest of the settlement. A man in military attire stood on the tower clutching a hunting rifle. I noticed two women crouched down, picking crops in their tiny field. Another man was keeping watch on top of the multi story shelter. My heart raced a little, I wasn’t sure whether this people would all be as kind as Lee was. I looked over at his face and could see his eyes squinting from a smile. One of the women stood up and noticed up approaching. The man on the guard tower looked as well. 

“Lee you’re back!” The woman said and ran toward us. His hands slipped my waist and I limped over to the fence and slumped to the ground. The woman ran into Lee’s arms and embraced him tightly. She was just a couple inches shorter than he was and had short red hair that fell just under her chin. Lee held the girl tightly before pulling away enough to plant a kiss on her lips. The corners of my mouth turned into a small smile and they both turned to look at me. The woman saw my deformed leg and immediately let go of Lee and rushed to my side. “Oh my gosh! Are you ok? Lee is she ok? Greg why are you still standing up there?! Help this girl!” Her pleasant voice was frantic as she grabbed my arm to help me up. I waved her off and slowly got up on my own. 

“I’m ok really.” My eyes locked with the woman’s and she furrowed her brow. Her eyes were light green that seemed like it could glow in the dark. The man on the guard tower finally came down and examined me. His body was muscular and the military fatigues clung to him tightly. His head was shaved and he had some dark stubble growing on his chin. His eyes were the same girl as the girl’s. 

“Lee, who is this?” The military man said in a deep, gruff voice. Lee grabbed ahold of the girl’s arm, gently tugging her away from me, giving me some space. 

“The vault dweller. She needed help, she was getting attacked by some mongrels.” The girl and the military man looked at Lee in shock. 

“This is the vault dweller?” The girl asked in a surprised tone. Lee held her arm, keeping in place. 

“Yes. She needs our help still.” Lee spoke in a much softer tone. The girl turned toward me and wiggled out of his grip. The military man eyed me from a distance. The girl stuck her hand out and I shook it. A smile shined from her face onto me. A warmth bubbled up inside me. 

“What is it that you need?” She asked in a sweet tone. She seemed like someone who was trustworthy and I could easily see why Lee would gravitate toward her. But I wasn’t stupid and I wasn’t going to let them know who I was looking for. 

“I just need some help getting back to my feet. I’m looking for someone,” I said in a confident voice. I may limped but I wanted to keep that tough allusion that I had started with Lee. The military man scoffed in the back and crossed his arms. The girl retreated back to Lee. My pissy expression was stuck back onto my face. I clawed at the fence behind me helping me guide back up to my feet. The military man took several large steps forward and crept up close to me. His eyes surveyed me up and down, looking angry while he did so. 

“And what makes you think we’ll help? We have ourselves to look after, we don’t need the vault dweller causing us any trouble.” I would be lying if I said the man wasn’t intimidating, but I’d be damned if I was going to let that show through me. I kept my uptight composure. 

“I can help your people. Bring you some more food and suppli-” 

“We have Lee for that.” The man said sneering at me. 

“Look Mr. Holler, she could be a valuable asset to us,” Lee chimed in. He was holding the girl as she rested her head on his shoulder. “Besides, if we want to make this world a better place we have to start helping each other.” The military man scrunched his face and didn’t have any remark. It didn’t matter, the other man and the other woman had approached the rest of us, confused with what was happening. 

“What’s all the ruckus?” The man asked. His frame was lanky like Hancock’s, but he slouched and looked a little awkward, unlike Hancock. His dark brown hair matched the girl’s next to him. Both of them were tan and she was the same height as he. They were probably brother and sister. 

“Look since everyone’s here let me explain everything,” Lee said letting go of the girl, but reached for her hand. He stood in the middle of everyone and all eyes, except Mr.Holler’s, were on him looking for answers. I pryed my gaze away from the bull standing before me and looked toward Lee as well. “This is the vault dweller. She was getting attacked by a couple mongrels as I was scavenging.” 

“You already said that.” The burly man before me said. I saw Lee roll his eyes and continue on. 

“She was hurt, badly. Still sort of is. But I wanted to help her. We’ve all heard about her on the radio and I thought that maybe she could help us in return. This is how we survive out here. And we clearly seem to have a problem making friends, so I went out and did the dirty work myself. I suggest we treat her kindly.” After spending a week with him, this was the most I ever heard him talk. My heart felt conflicted from his little speech. I knew he had an agenda, but it wasn’t quite the agenda I was planning on. He wanted me to help his settlement because they didn’t know how to. 

I wanted to run away. To just avoid all of this, because I knew I would let these people down. My heart and my head weren’t in the mindset to help anyone other than myself. I know how selfish that sounds, but it was the truth. When I was with Deacon or even Hancock, helping people just felt like second nature. But being on my own, it was hard to do. When you’re alone you focus on yourself and your needs and anything else just feels like extra weight. It becomes difficult to keep your head above the radiated water. All the eyes locked onto me like I was some target. My bitchy exterior was slowly diminishing and being replaced with fear. I don’t know what they wanted me to do. I was tired, overwhelmed, and I wanted to just lay down. But more than all of that combined, I wanted to find Deacon. I needed him right now, even more than I needed Hancock. My breathing was becoming shallow and I felt like I might pass out on the spot. My eyes shifted from person to person, all of them pleading to me. I couldn’t take it. I pushed myself off the fence and just ran, dragging my left leg along the way. A cry of panic broke out among the settlers but I couldn’t turn around, I couldn’t even stop now because if I did I would’ve toppled over. So I just ran as far as I could, ignoring the commotion, ignoring the pain shooting in my leg, ignoring life itself. I needed to find Deacon. And I wasn’t going to stop running until I did.


	19. Running into my Problem

The sun was starting to set and I could only run for so long before my body was going to give out on me. My leg throbbed with an intense pain that was starting to make me nauseous. I hobbled my way to Bunker Hill and was met face to face with a gun pointed at me by a blonde woman named Kessler. After throwing my hands up saying I wasn’t going to harm anyone and I desperately needed a place to sleep, she reluctantly let me in. My body was pushed passed its maximum limit and if I didn’t lay down, I was about to become easy prey for anyone in the vicinity. 

I limped up the stairs and through the big gates that led me to a temporary safe haven. I was completely drained of all my energy and I couldn’t even reciprocate a hello to any person who greeted me. I was almost willing to amputate my leg as this point to get rid of the dead weight, but I knew that would be a decision I would greatly regret and I don’t think I could just saw through the bone myself. I sat down at a bar stool in front of the counter with two men behind it. My mind couldn’t even comprehend what they were arguing about. I lazily chugged down a nuka cola before slurring my words to ask for a room. People probably thought I was drunk, ha I wish. A caravan worker took a seat next to me. His eyes boring a hole in my chest, but I stayed staring blankly ahead of me. My vision blurring a little due to my exhaustion. Normally a day of running wouldn’t have worn me out so bad, but running with a useless leg, now that had used up all my energy and then some. The caravan worker ordered a drink as well and took several small sips before piping up to say something. 

“Hey, how’s it going?” The voice was familiar and brought a tingling sensation to my bones. Either my mind was playing tricks on me or that was the voice of Deacon. The man from the counter began to discuss some small talk after answering Deacon’s opening line. I pushed the bottle away from me and crawled up the stairs to the mattress in my empty room. That couldn’t have been Deacon. There’s no fucking way that could’ve been. Yet something in my chest told me that had to be him. That this was no accident and he was here. Everything inside me turned into a pool of jelly and I couldn’t think. My body laid limp on the mattress and my brain slowly blacked out. 

***** 

I woke up the next morning so achy, I thought I wasn’t going to be able to move ever again. My muscles were sore from carrying around the extra weight of my mangled leg that was going to take forever to heal. My skull felt a hefty pounding inside that was worse than any hangover I had ever experienced. I forced my eyes open and the sun nearly blinded me. Everything was too bright. I shifted my body so I was laying on my back inside of on my side and suddenly realized there was a body lying right next to me. I jumped and a rush of adrenaline coursed through me. Who the fuck is that? Did this guy rape me in my sleep? I sat up and looked down at my body. No new wounds and my clothing seemed in tact. I took my right hand and loosened it up a little before waking the stranger up with a whipping slap across the face. Their body jolted awake and their arms went to cover their face. 

“Owwww! Boss what gives?” My eyes widened and I scooted away from the mattress. It wasn’t a stranger in my room, it was Deacon. He rolled over, rubbing the spot on his cheek where I slapped him. A red handprint beginning to blossom there. My heart was pounding a million beats per second. The pain in my leg dissolved as a tight pain in my chest appeared. 

“Deacon? What the hell are you doing here?” I quietly snapped at him trying not to draw attention. A flood of emotions rushing inside me. He gave me a lazy grin and sat up. The urge to kiss him and slap him again hit me at once. 

“You really think I’m gonna let explore the Commonwealth alone? Bullseye, c’mon I watched you ever since you left the vault.” His tone was casual and rage lit inside me. How could he let me get attacked by the dogs or leave those nice people? How could he even let me leave Goodneighbor? The smirk on his face slowly faded as he could see the fire in my eyes. I grabbed my pack and used the wall to help me stand up. I was fuming. 

“We’re leaving Bunker hill. I want to talk about this outside where I can scream at you,” I stated in my calmest voice. My body was beginning to shake and it wasn’t because my leg couldn’t handle the weight I was putting on it. I refused Deacon’s hand to help me down the stairs and let my adrenaline keep me standing up. We walked outside, me limping along the way, and Deacon trailing along behind me. I was steamed, I was relieved, but mostly I just wanted to hit him again. I don’t understand him in the slightest. I took deep breaths as I walked trying to unclench my chest. My hands balled into fist. We finally reached a safe alley and I stayed turned around, my back toward him. 

“Penelope, I kno-” 

“I don’t understand you. At all.” I said, my calm tone underlined with rage. I heard Deacon take a step back from me. 

“Please just let-” 

“No!” I yelled and turned around. Tears suddenly overflowing out of me, warm and salty with anger. “How could you let me get attacked?! Why didn’t you stop me from leaving Goodneighbor? From leaving Hancock?” My voice quivering and my whole convulsed. I leaned against the cold metal trash can behind me for balance. I wanted to drop to the ground and cry. My hands trembled as I clutched the dumpster. 

“Penelope please just let me explain.” Deacon’s voice pleaded. My body slumped down the dumpster and onto the ground. My body quaking with the overwhelming emotions that took over. My heart was breaking into a million pieces with the thought of Hancock. The pain in my leg just added to the pain I felt everywhere else inside of me. Deacon crouched on the ground in front of me, trying to grab my hand. 

“Don’t touch me!” I flinched and curled into a ball, Deacon hung his head and moved back. He sat down a distance away from me on the dirty ground. 

“You said you wanted to part ways. I didn’t want to overstep that,” He said quietly. He was only adding fuel to the fire that burned inside me. 

“I said we should part ways because you couldn’t even focus on me to begin with! You were so blinded by Barbara and her death and I’m sorry that all happened. But I was with you in the present and you couldn’t even appreciate that!” My heart hurt so much I thought I was going to fall into a cardiac arrest. My blurred vision looked over at Deacon, his expression from what I could tell, was that of regret. He took his hat off and rubbed his head. I was too angry to feel bad about yelling at him in that moment. 

“I know. I’m sorry,” He mumbled. It didn’t matter to me. He knew everything I did and didn’t even try to intervene. 

“Deacon, you let me leave someone who actually cared for me!” I put my face in my hands. I didn’t want to look at him anymore. My tears soaking my hands. I heard shuffling in front of me and felt his hand lightly touch my knee. 

“Penelope don’t ever say I don’t care for you. I may be a liar, but I’ve always been in your corner.” I twitched my leg, but his hand stayed put. The fire dulled inside me and I could feel was pain. His hand was warm and I hated it. I hated him, or at least I wanted to. Everything inside me was conflicted all of a sudden. I wanted to punch him and run to Hancock and just stay in his arms forever, but another part wanted me to just forgive Deacon for everything and grab his warm hand. So I did neither and stayed frozen. 

“You let me get attacked Deacon...” I whispered into my hands. I heard him let out a snort. My face flickered up to meet his. A small smile was back onto his handsome face and his sunglasses were ditched to the ground. His other hand gingerly rubbed my bad leg at an attempt to soothe me. 

“Who do you think shot those bastards?” I scrunched my forehead in confusion, I remember seeing someone with sunglasses on, but the clothes were those of Lee’s. 

“I thought Lee did?” His smile grew and he shook his head. 

“You realize I wear these sunglasses with every disguise right? I know you saw the glasses. But I was bound to run into someone who was wearing the same outfit as me. Luckily that was the day. I noticed Lee before I saw you and I thought it’d be funny for me to go back to his settlement and him go to HQ. Although there was a few minor outfit differences, but still he agreed. Then we both heard someone scream and that someone was you. I didn’t even hesitate and shot those fuckin dogs. But I kept your wishes and stayed away, sending Lee down to help you.” My heart wanted to believe him, but I wasn’t sure if that was quite the truth. His eyes piercing into my core and my tears were beginning to subside. However, I kept my guard up not wanting to end up getting hurt again. 

“So he just agreed to help me out, even though he had other people relying on him.” Deacon removed a hand from my leg and rubbed the back of his neck. Everything inside me tensed up for the truth he was about to reveal. 

“Ok ok I maaaybe paid him 200 caps and then gave his settlement some supplies they needed. But hey, it was all in the interest of taking care of you.” His tone was light but I could hear the drops of truth in it. My heart fluttered and my stomach turned in knots. My head was becoming clouded and all of a sudden I didn’t know what to do or how to feel. My eyes flickered to the hand on my knee, to his face, and back to the ground again. A wave of emotions crashed through me all in a matter of 30 minutes or so. 

“What changed? What made you….want to start living in the present? Because this isn’t the Deacon I asked to stay away.” He let out a heavy hearted sigh and sat back on the ground, his hand moving to my calf. 

“I just thought about what you said. With the closure. After I woke up and saw that you had taken off to Goodneighbor, I knew that it was actually over between us. Of course I followed, disguised myself as one of the Neighbor Watch and noticed you eyeing a certain historical looking ghoul. I knew that Hancock would charm you like everyone else but I didn’t think too much of it. Knowing Hancock a little, I thought ‘hey maybe it’ll just be a quick fling and then it’ll end’. But your fling turned into a real relationship. It forced me to realize that you had moved on, so I thought about Barbara even more. I spent my nights at the Rexford talking to her. Day after day, I’d update her on the situation with you and eventually I realized I wasn’t talking to Barbara anymore. My heart became suddenly...at ease with her not being here anymore. But the aching didn’t stop, not for you anyways. I watched everyday as you draped yourself on his arm and I prayed a small prayer to whatever is up there and one day it seemed like my prayers were answered. I wasn’t sure if you guys had broken up or what, but I saw you leave and I saw this expression on your face that I hadn’t seen in awhile.” He stopped and I wasn’t sure whether or not he was going to finish from there. My heart pounded and I couldn’t tell if it was breaking or being put back together. My stomach flip flopping just like my brain. 

“What was the look on my face?” His face fully focused on mine, his body slowly inched forward so that he was leaning over me. His face lingered a few inches from mine and the hand on my calf moved so it was gently lifting my head so our gazes matched. I thought I was going to combust from the heat between us. 

“The look of needing the person you love back,” He whispered as his lips grazed over mine before pressing against mine. And just like that my insides no longer pounded and everything around me in the world seemed to have frozen. It felt like I was on jet and I didn’t want to move ever again. No more pain, no more clouding in my head, even my bad leg was no longer killing me. He slowly pulled back first and rested his forehead against mine. I was still stuck in the daydream of the kiss that I hadn’t noticed our fingers had laced together. My eyes looked up to find his already staring back at me. He flashed his cheeky grin at me and once again the world was back to how I wanted it to be.


End file.
